


Differences Aside

by felisblanco



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Child Abuse, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Religious Fanaticism, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-24
Updated: 2005-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:56:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10663074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: Punk!Spike and shy!Liam find out they have at least one thing in common.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help me Joss, I think I'm possibly starting another series. I was thinking of what to do with those drabblerequests and [](http://catvampcrazines.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://catvampcrazines.livejournal.com/)**catvampcrazines** asked for a Liam/Spike piece. And when trying to think off how to play it this bunny bit my bottom and well, no drabble will do it justice.

Glances during class, even quicker glances in the showers after gym. Those were the limits of Liam's advances. But even so, every glance was like a little slice of heaven.

Water dripping of wet hair, skin and cock. Muscles rippling under the pale smooth surface, blue eyes shining, shocking white hair for once not spiked but curled against the wet scalp, silver piercing glittering in his eyebrow. Not that he looked any worse dressed; low hanging faded jeans, torn t-shirt, long leather coat. Accompanied by black eyeliner, a silver thumb ring and the attitude of a street fighting stray cat.

Liam sighed as the door slammed behind the other boy, then turned and stared at himself in the mirror. Brown hair, brown eyes. Ordinary. Boring. He didn’t stand a chance. Not that he really suspected Spike of being gay although so far he hadn’t seen him with a girl, even if they were pretty much all giggling every time he walked by.

But Spike didn’t exactly give off a welcoming vibe. No, a fuck-off-and-leave-me-alone vibe was more like it. Mouth set in a constant sneer, eyes glowing with anger. Even the teachers stayed clear of him, ignoring the way he’d slam his doc-clad feet up on his desk, music sounding loudly from the plugs in his ears, fingers drumming the beat on his thigh. Never saying anything besides ‘Fuck off’ or ‘Mind your own bloody business’. The accent making the girls giggle even more.

Luck had it that the only seat available when the Brit joined the class late second semester was right beside Liam. Well, not luck exactly; Liam sat alone because Liam was always alone. Always had been and until that day had thought he always would be. Not that he was any less alone now. Spike didn’t even seem to notice him; notice his constant glances, his quick hidden sketches or the deep blush on his face every time the leather coat happened to stroke his skin. Liam even doubted Spike would recognise him on the street or remember his name if he bumped into him in the hall.

Checking the mirror for the last time he pulled on his jacket and picked up his gym bag. Everyone else had already left. Last period of the day and it wasn’t as if they waited for him to join them for whatever after-school activity they had planned. Not that it bothered him that much anymore. He had his books and his drawings. He didn’t need stuck up friends who only thought of getting laid or how to find beer for that particular night’s party.

He was deep in thought as he came around the corner. Sketching in his mind what he would later put on paper. A strong thigh, the slope of a shoulder, the forbidden shape of a cock being stroked to hardness. He was actually so wrapped up in the images playing in his mind that he didn’t even hear the strongly accented voice call out to him until it was raised further, a hint of irritation in the words.

“Oi! You! Liam, innit?”

For a second he froze, the thought that his dirty mind was open for all to see terrifying him. But when he turned around Spike didn’t seem like he was planning on beating him to a bloody pulp. He didn’t even look his usual pissed off self but was tilting his head, leaning against the wall, lazily blowing out smoke through his nostrils.

“Yes. I mean, yeah. I’m Liam.”

“Hmm, strange name. A bit girly.”

Shocked he heard himself replying “And Spike? After your dog maybe?”

The punk stared at him. Liam could feel his heart pounding in his chest, getting ready to fuel him for the flight when Spike suddenly burst out laughing.

Sweet Jesus. If he thought he’d found him sexy before… the way that smile lit up his face, the way his shoulders shook with laughter, the way his eyes twinkled with amusement…. His fingers were burning for a pencil and a piece of paper to capture this revelation. Not that he was likely to forget it. The image would probably be branded on his brain for the rest of his life.

He suddenly became aware of Spike watching him, his lips still curled in a smile, his gaze travelling up and down his body. Did it linger… there? No, it couldn’t be. Oh God, he hoped not. He was still hard from all those images playing in his head earlier and he was pretty sure it was showing. He swallowed nervously before looking up and into Spike’s eyes. And wondered if those rumours about him beating a boy into a coma were really true.

“You know, I like you.” Spike flicked the ash of the burning cigarette. “You’re different from the rest.”

Yeah, different. Great. Liam the freak. Liam the nerd. Liam the fag. Not that he’d ever told them. In their eyes fag was just a convenient insult to throw at whoever didn’t meet up to their standards. But Spike was also different so maybe he hadn’t meant it in a bad way? Swallowing he put up a brave face and gave the punk a look over.

“Not that much of a clone yourself.”

That earned him another smile and this time he couldn’t help smiling back. Spike threw his smoked cigarette to the ground and grinded it with the toe of his boots. Then he glanced up at Liam and raised his eyebrow.

“Got my bike around the corner. Fancy a ride?”

This time it was Liam’s time to stare. Spike, the coolest and hottest guy in school was asking him, Liam the geek, if he wanted to take a ride on his motorbike. What kind of bizarre world had he stepped into? Spike seemed to take his silence as disapproval because he suddenly sneered and pushed himself of the wall.

“Forget it. Fuck off. Go home and wank by yourself.”

“What? I mean, no! I’d love a ride. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Spike looked at him suspiciously so he added as an afterthought, “Haven’t got any wanking scheduled until this evening anyway.”

Spike chuckled and gave him a non-too gentle slap on the arm. But as he turned and walked ahead Liam thought he could hear him mumble, “We might have to change that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I might dedicate this part to [](http://kitty-poker1.livejournal.com/profile)[**kitty_poker1**](http://kitty-poker1.livejournal.com/) and [](http://spikes-heart.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://spikes-heart.livejournal.com/)**spikes_heart** since it happens to be their birthday. *smooches*

As Liam followed Spike through the alley he was, as always, surprised to notice their height difference. Spike seemed so tall, like his angry attitude somehow stretched him further upward. But actually Liam was quite taller, especially when he rose up to his full length. And walking with Spike made him for once abandon his traditional stoop, brought on by years of invisibility.

As they came round the corner he stopped dead in his tracks. My God, that thing was a beauty. Mesmerised Liam stroked the sleek leather seat, the shining black and silver metal glittering in the hot afternoon sun.

“Here.”

Spike handed him a helmet and propped one on his own head before swinging on, his long leather coat spreading on the seat behind him. Which is when Liam realised what sharing a bike would involve. Well, he couldn’t really back out now, could he? Slinging the gym bag over his shoulder he straddled the bike, trying to sit as far back as he could. Awkwardly he placed his hands on Spike’s hips, blushing under the helmet as Spike grabbed then and placed them around his waist instead.

“Gotta hold on tight, mate. Don’t want you to tumble off and break any bones, heh?”

Then he started the engine and with a roar they took off. It was the most wonderful sensation Liam had ever felt. The wind was ripping at his clothes, his stomach did somersaults every time Spike swung around a car or a corner and his body was pressed against Spike’s back, the intended distance long gone. His hands’ proximity to Spike’s crotch, not to mention the constant vibration running through his body, was on the other hand beginning to have an embarrassing effect on other parts of his body. And there was no way Spike wasn’t feeling it.

Desperately he tried to move further back but each turn made him glide forward again, his erection pressing into Spike’s ass. He ran all the un-sexy things he could think of through his head, even the horrified memory of walking in on his parents two years ago. He was concentrating on the image of Mrs. Brewer, the math teacher, wearing nothing but a bikini, body hair sticking out all over, when Spike pushed back, grinding his ass against his cock in such a way that there was no denying what he was doing.

Oh sweet Jesus. Oh God. He remained perfectly still until Spike pushed against him once more, lifting himself a few inches of the bike to almost sit in Liam’s lap. That’s when hormones took over reason and Liam tightened his grip around Spike’s waist, pulling him closer, before letting one hand travel further down.

All the time there was this mantra in his head chanting ‘What are you doing? What are you doing?’ and he was so scared he thought he might actually faint and fall off at any minute. But as soon as his hand reached Spike’s crotch the evident bulge made him bolder and he was kneading it through the thick denim, fingers aching to get inside and touch skin.

He had long ago ceased to notice where they were going so when the bike suddenly took a right turn and then stopped he was totally unprepared and knocked his helmet into the back of Spike’s. As the engine was turned off the silence became deafening. They were at the outskirts of town, on the parking lot for the reservoir. Above them loomed tall pines, the sun glittering through the branches.

He could feel Spike breathe heavily against him, his hands trembling on the handlebars. Nervous Liam took of his helmet and got off, his legs shaking slightly. What if Spike would just leave him here? What if he was actually really angry and…

Slowly the punk lifted the helmet of his head. His eyes were closed and he was still taking deep breaths. Then he snapped them opened and looked up at Liam. Dark, dark, dark eyes. So dark the radiant blue was almost gone and Liam could feel himself falling into those eyes.

“Were you fucking with me, because if you bloody well were…” The voice was almost trembling and Liam took a step back, staring at him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I thought you wanted it.”

Spike swung his leg off the bike and stalked toward him, poking a finger in his chest. “Of course I bloody well want it! The question is, do you?”

“You are…?” He hesitated. No good calling someone a fag if he wasn’t. Especially not a guy like Spike. Who was still glaring at him but then the face softened and suddenly he started laughing.

“Gay? You think I’d be rubbing my arse against your cock if I weren’t?” He shook his head and chuckled softly. Then he looked up at Liam again, his blue eyes twinkling. “So do you?”

Liam stared at him, the sudden change of atmosphere confusing him. Spike was like a hurricane; his mood changing from anger to amusement to lust so fast Liam didn’t know how to act, what would set off the next change. “Wha…what?”

“Do you want it?” Spike ran a finger down Liam’s chest until it rested on the buckle of his belt. “Do you want me?” Suddenly he grabbed the buckle and pulled Liam forward, pressing their lips together hard. Then he released him and tilted his head, a smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Liam was sure he was swaying, his head was spinning and there was an ache in the pit of his stomach. Did he? Did he want this devil of a boy? This angel of beauty looking at him and licking his lips like Liam was a big piece of candy? Oh, he so fucking did. “God, yes.”

Spike smirked and pulled him down for another kiss, this time slipping a tongue inside and Liam thought he might just crumble to the ground. When they parted he gasped for air, holding tight onto Spike who looked up at him through thick eyelashes, eyes burning with lust. “Spike will do just fine.” 


	3. Chapter 3

 

When Spike stepped back Liam panicked for a moment but the punk gave him a reassuring smile.

“Not gonna do you here by the road, am I?” As he started to lead the motorbike toward the woods he looked back over his shoulder at Liam who stood there staring at him nervously. “Are you coming then?”

_‘Do’ me? He’s gonna ‘do’ me? Oh God. But that’s what I want, right? That’s what we were talking about. Although I wasn’t exactly thinking with my brain. I just thought… ‘do’ me?_

He watched as Spike rolled the bike in between the trees and hid it further with some fallen branches. Then he stood back, studying his handiwork before adding an extra branch and turning around, a puzzled look on his face when he saw Liam still standing in the spot he left him.

As he came walking toward him there seemed for once to be a fracture in his confidence and when he halted, still a few paces away he bit his lower lip before looking up at Liam.

“You all right? Not backing out on me, are you?”

“No, no. I’m just… what is it exactly that we’re going to do? Because…”

Spike’s smile made him blush and he looked down, wishing once again he’d just kept his mouth shut. The chuckle that followed had him blushing further and he felt incredibly stupid.

“Oh God. You’re a virgin, aren’t ya? Of course you are. I should have known. First kiss too maybe?”

He wanted to deny it and tell him about the time he kissed Betty in the tree house. But actually she had kissed him, more of a peck really, and they had only been ten. So he guessed it didn’t count. Especially since they had then had a tea party with her dolls. God, he really was so gay.

Well, it wasn’t really as he’d had a bunch of opportunities jumping at him from every corner. Gay guys didn’t exactly grow on trees in this shithole of a town and…

The warm hand on his cheek startled him and then his mouth was seized in a breath-taking kiss. And suddenly it didn’t matter that he was a stupid virgin or that he was so scared of what they were going to do that there were shivers running through his body. All he could feel was Spike’s hot lips and wet tongue, exploring every inch of his mouth, Spike’s hands travelling over his chest, Spike’s thigh pressing against his erection and damn, he wanted this. Wanted Spike to kiss him and take him and…

Spike pulled back and smiled at him, a twinkle in his eyes. “Sshh, don’t worry. Not gonna do anything too drastic then. We have all the time in the world, pet. Come on.”

Spike took the gym bag from Liam and tossed it into the bushes, then took him by the hand and dragged him into the woods. Liam felt light headed and there was a buzzing in his ears. And that was just from one kiss! And now they were going to… actually he still wasn’t quite sure what they were going to do but right this moment he would say yes to just about anything.

They walked for a while, or rather Spike dragged him along for a while, until they came to an opening in the woods, revealing a small lake rimmed with patches of soft green grass. There was no sound except the occasional bird and their hard breathing. Spike took of his leather coat and spread it on the grass. Then he turned to Liam and kissed him again and this time the boy allowed his feet to buckle underneath him as they sunk down on the soft leather, smelling of cigarettes and Spike.

 


	4. Chapter 4

If he hadn’t been so absorbed by the warmth of Spike’s fingers gripping his arms and the taste of Spike’s tongue in his mouth he might have noticed the way his own hands were trembling and how his breath was getting shallower and shallower.

It wasn’t until Spike moved his hold down to Liam’s hips, disturbing the balance that he realised he was swaying and the world was getting darker.

“Liam?”

He opened his eyes and his blurred vision was filled with blue orbs. “You all right, mate?”

“Yeah… I’m… yeah.”

“Thought you were gonna pass out on me there. You want to stop?”

“No! I wasn’t…”

“It’s all right, luv. Not the first one to swoon in my presence...”

“I didn’t swoon!”

“…Although usually they’ve been girls who then have become very disappointed.” Spike smiled and cupped Liam’s bulge. “Not that I’m saying you’re a girl.”

Oh fuck! Liam stared at Spike’s mischievous face then slowly moved his gaze down where the hand was resting. Another man’s hand was groping his cock. Oh God. It was jumping under the touch, screaming for Liam to ‘Let me out, let me out.’

“Obviously not a girl.”

He looked up and Spike was still watching him. This was probably when he should retort with some witty remark but all he could think of was…

“Kiss me.”

Think! Not say! Think! Oh fucking stupid brain. Spike must believe him to be dumb as a doorknob. ‘Hi, I’m Liam, I think with my dick.’ ‘Hi, Li…’

His thoughts were suddenly cut off by hot lips once again pressing against his and fingers running through his hair and oh God! That tongue again, pushing into his mouth, licking over his teeth.

_‘Did I brush them this morning? Did I eat anything with garlic at lunch? Do I taste bad? Oh fuck. Spike tastes good. So damn good. He must have had a candy before that cigarette because he tastes so sweet and oh my God he’s opening my pants! He’s loosening my belt and popping the buttons and fuck, his hand is inside my pants, no, it’s inside my boxers! Warm slender fingers touching me, stroking me, tightening around me, jerking... oh fuck!’_

With a gasp he pulled back and stilled the movement with a trembling hand.

“Can you... we… can we do this slower? I think… it will be over much too soon.” Don’t be mad, please.

Spike looked at him, then slowly drew back his hand and licked the traces of precum of his fingers. Oh God!

“We can do this as slowly as you like, luv.”

Smiling he leaned forward and kissed Liam again. He tasted salty and the sudden realisation hit Liam like brick, making him blush even further. Spike had tasted his cock. Not directly but damn right close enough. The image of Spike’s pink tongue reaching out and licking his hard dick suddenly flashed in his mind and as his eyes widened said dick jumped. Oh fuck. _Breathe, breathe._

Spike was watching him again and if the smile on his face was anything to go by he was pretty much reading Liam’s thoughts.

“I will. Not yet though. Wanna keep you panting for a long time.”

Liam blushed even further and lowered his eyes in embarrassment. Ok, that did not help. His cock was sticking out of his pants, the head an angry red and he had a feeling Spike was right. One lick and he’d be done for.

Spike lay down on the leather coat, patting the space beside him. “Come on then, lets just relax for a moment while your balls unclench. We have plenty of time.”

Time? Actually he should be at home, studying for that very important math test tomorrow. Come to think of it, so should probably Spike.

He opened his mouth but at the last moment his smarter and much hornier brain kicked in gear and he snapped his lips shut. Awkwardly he stretched his legs and was wondering whether he should lie on his back, all cool-like, or on his side so he could watch Spike without being too obvious and should he tuck himself back in or would that be considered rude, when something suddenly crossed his mind. Without thinking he could hear himself saying “But what about you?”

Spike looked up at him squinting against the sun. “What _about_ me?”

“Don’t you…? Shouldn’t I…?” God, why could he never learn to shut his mouth? “You know… do something for you?”

Damn, there was that smile again. That look-at-the-sweet-virgin smile that should really enrage him but it was hard being angry with someone who eyed him like he was the cutest little puppy in the world that he couldn’t wait to make his bitch. Fuck, did he actually just think that? And fuck, fuck, fuck… Spike’s eyes had slowly turned from laughter to lust and… he was sitting up, unfastening his belt. Oh God.

“You want to touch me?” Nod.

“You want to feel me?” Nod.

“You want to know what I taste like?” Nod, nod, nod.

Like a damn dummy. _Say something, you idiot. Anything._

“Yes, please.”

_Ok, not that! God!_

Spike just chuckled as he popped the buttons on his black jeans and suddenly there was a cock against the dark fabric and fuck! Those glimpses in the showers really hadn’t done it justice, because it was beautiful! A bit strange though, sheathed in foreskin and … erm… rather big. Spike wriggled until his pants were midway down his thighs, then he leaned back, one hand holding his dick.

Liam slowly reached out his hand, at the last minute managing to bite back the word ‘pretty’ which he was quite sure wasn’t what guys wanted to hear about their cocks. Spike’s own hand fell away, leaving his erection swaying above his stomach.

“’S all right. I promise it won’t bite.”

Liam ignored the friendly teasing and gently touched the head with the tip of his finger. Spike hissed, closing his eyes as he threw back his head, breathing unevenly. A drop of precum jumped out from beneath the foreskin and Liam watched it being pushed away by another, slowly travelling down the head and before he knew what was happening he’d caught it with his tongue. Salty. Strange. Different from his own, that was sure. He licked his lips and that’s when it dawned on him that he was leaning over Spike’s cock, the tip just inches from his mouth.

Should he? Nervous he looked up at Spike. Eyes squeezed shut, teeth pressing into his lower lip, breath hitching. That rather made the decision for him.

He looked down at the task at hand. Hmm. Leaning down he gave it a slow lick up the shaft.

“Fuck!”

Startled he looked up.

“No, please. Don’t stop! Fuck!” Spike suddenly jerked up his head and stared at him with dark eyes. “Unless you want to. I mean, I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to. I just meant…”

“I want to.”

“Oh, thank God!”

Spike’s relieved moan made Liam smile and suddenly he wasn’t scared anymore. If one single lick could make the guy tremble like that he had to be pretty bad if he couldn’t keep it up. Determined he looked back down. Just like licking a lollipop. A big long lollipop wrapped up in soft skin, dripping of precum and damn, that vein was throbbing! Maybe he should lick that?

Judging by the sharp intake of breath and the soft cursing he was definitely on the right track. Now, he knew he was supposed to push back the foreskin - _“No mom, just doing some research for… biology.” Hit ‘Delete History’_ \- so he encircled the shaft with his fingers and slowly dragged it down, watching in fascination as the blunt head was revealed.

“Yeah, that’s it. God, yeah.”

Liam leaned over and placed his lips on the tip, catching yet another drop rolling down. Then he slowly sucked the head into his mouth. Mmm, nice… Ow! Hands tearing at his hair! Ow! Ow!

“Bloody hell! Sorry, luv. Caught me a bit off guard.”

Spike’s hands were trembling, stroking Liam’s hair back into place. The boy couldn’t help feeling a bit proud that he actually could make Spike loose his cool like that. He lowered his head further, sucking Spike’s cock as far into his mouth as he could manage without gagging. Then he started moving his head, letting the glistening cock slide out of his mouth and then into it again, loving the feel of the foreskin following his movements.

He had been resting his left hand on Spike’s thigh but being distracted by the job - _oh God, I’m giving a fucking blowjob!_ – he didn’t notice it sliding down, stroking Spike’s balls until…

“Oh fuck! Shit! God!”

Ooookay. Liked that obviously. Cupping the smooth balls Liam rolled them in his hand. The skin was incredibly soft and he wondered if he should lick there too. Later maybe. The skin behind them was also so very smooth and he ran his fingers down, startled when Spike suddenly pushed up his hips, shoving his cock further into Liam’s mouth and his fingers down to… ah!

Of course he knew they would go there, eventually, at least he hoped so, but he hadn’t really planned on… Hesitantly he stroked one finger lightly over the puckered entrance.

Spike’s panting and ‘Bloody hell!’ was pretty encouraging and he stroked it again. It was so small and tight and how could anything fit in there? Suddenly he wondered how many had actually been in there and how many had had Spike’s cock up their ass. He wasn’t jealous, just… ok, so he was a bit jealous. If ‘a bit’ was a gigantic mountain.

“Erm… Liam, you ok?”

Startled he looked up, Spike’s cock slipping from his lips, and realised that he’d gone off-track again and at a very bad moment too. Embarrassed he blushed at how incredibly stupid he must have looked, still as a statue with the guy’s dick in his mouth.

“Sorry, got distracted.”

“You got distracted while sucking my cock? You trying to insult me?”

Panicking Liam sat back. “No! I didn’t mean… I was just…” The grin on Spike’s face shut him up and he grinned shyly. “Sorry.”

“’S all right.” Spike lay back, one arm tugged under his head and with practiced moves started stroking his slick cock. “What were you thinking of anyway?”

Liam stared at what had to be the most erotic sight in the world and swallowed a few times before answering. “Thinking? I was… nothing really, just…” Unconsciously he started fisting his own erection. “You know… sex… in general… between men, you know… partners and such…” Realising he was rambling he blushed and lowered his eyes. Oh, look at that. Wanking in public. With someone watching. And to think this morning he was excited about trying the new Sims game.

Spike tilted his head and smiled slightly. “Something you want to ask? Fire away, I don’t mind.”

Liam bit his lip hesitantly but then blurted out, “You’ve been with many? Guys, I mean.”

“Didn’t think you meant girls,” Spike snorted but he didn’t seem mad. “Yeah, a few. Why?”

“You started early then... or just get around much?” Ok, that sounded insulting. Calling Spike a slut was probably not the best thing.

Spike looked at him and his jaw tensed slightly before he answered. “You asking if this means anything or if you’re just another fuck?”

“No! I mean, yes.” Feeling even dumber Liam bit his lip again. “I don’t know. Am I?”

Spike relaxed and looked straight at him. “I don’t do that anymore, so no.”

Liam considered this for a moment. “So this _does_ mean something?”

“If you want it to, then yeah that was the idea.”

Liam hesitated then nodded. “I do. Want it to mean something, I mean.”

“All right then.” Spike closed his eyes, and resumed leisurely stroking his cock.

Liam couldn’t take his eyes off him. Slow, slow, then a little faster. Running his thumb over the slit in circles, pulling the foreskin then pushing it down to reveal the head. His movements were mesmerising and Liam found himself mimicking them, safe for that foreskin move. He wondered what it felt like having that soft skin sheathing his cock, smearing the precum naturally with each stroke. Spike’s movements were becoming faster and more erratic and judging by the lifting of his balls and the way he was biting his lip and breathing faster he was quite close.

Hesitating only slightly Liam reached out and lay his hand on top of Spike’s. “Can I? I’d like to, you know, do it for you.”

Spike blinked and stared at him, eyes slightly glazed over. Licking his lips he nodded. “Sure, pet. That would be… yeah.”

Liam shifted until he was lying on his side, head to toe with Spike, then he leaned over and put his lips on the swaying cock in front of him. He could hear Spike panting so he sucked it further into his mouth. He was trying the lollipop approach again, twirling his tongue around, when he felt hot air on his own cock and then suddenly he was being sucked inside a hot wet mouth, fingers fondling his testicles and oh God! So that’s what it feels like. Like sinking into hot syrup and… sweet Jesus, Spike was sucking, sucking… Oh fuck!

With a shudder he came, digging his fingers into the punk’s buttocks, then choking slightly when Spike jerked beside him and then his mouth was being filled with a warm salty liquid. He swallowed rather instinctively, then licked his lips. Not so bad, really.

Panting they lay still for a while, then Spike rolled onto his back and chuckled softly. “Yeah, definitely gonna keep you.”

His words made Liam shiver. _Yes please, make me your pet._


	5. Chapter 5

They must have fallen asleep because suddenly the sun was gone and in the distance the rumbling of a thunder could be heard.

“Better get dressed, luv. No picnic riding the bike in a thunder storm.”

Liam stood up and awkwardly tugged his shirt into his pants, wondering what would happen now. He’d never had a morning-after moment before, although this was more of an evening-later moment.

Spike shook the leather coat free of grass and twigs before putting it on with a sweeping motion. Then he turned to Liam, watching him again with those dark eyes that made him weak in the knees and hot all over. He felt very self-conscious under that stare and wished he’d at least had on a t-shirt instead of that geeky shirt which just screamed ‘Mom buys my clothes’. So it caught him totally unaware when there was suddenly a hand tugging at his neck and dragging him down for a swift kiss that left him gasping for breath.

“You coming then?”

Not waiting for an answer Spike strode ahead and Liam had to jog to catch up with him. Together they cleared the branches away from the bike and then Spike rolled it up on the road while Liam buttoned his jacket and strapped the gymbag across his chest before fastening the helmet. As he straddled the bike behind Spike and wrapped his arms around the slender waist the first drops of rain started to fall.

This was a very different ride from the one before. Soon the rain was pouring down, soaking them in seconds, and Liam could feel the tension in Spike as he concentrated on the driving. Most cars steered well away from them but a large truck whooshed past them, sending a shower of dirty water over their already drenched bodies.

When they finally reached Liam’s street they were both shivering with cold and he was pretty sure he’d had three heart attacks brought on by reckless drivers. As the bike came to a halt he got off slowly, legs so weak he was afraid he would fall over and his hands were trembling so hard he couldn’t loosen his helmet.

“Here, let me.”

Spike’s voice was muffled by the rain and the helmet pressing against Liam’s ears but it’s tone still made him warm inside. Awkward he let his hands fall away as Spike loosened the clasp and pulled the helmet off him. Fastening it on the back of the bike he then pulled off his own and stood there, bleached hair slowly curling in the rain, eyeliner starting to run.

The sight went straight to Liam’s heart and embarrassingly enough, his groin too. Thankful that the dark hid his blushing face he tried to find something to say, wondering how guys usually did these things. Was he supposed to ask for Spike’s phone number? Or was that girly? Maybe it was better to just act cool, like he went into the woods with guys to kiss and grope and suck and jerk off all the time. Except of course Spike knew he never did that so that would be idiotic. God, he was so bad at this. Shivering he stammered out, “I’ll be seeing you. I guess. You know in school and…”

The cool lips pressing against his took his breath away and instinctively he leaned in closer, pressing their freezing wet bodies together, the warmth of their tongues like fire in the cold. He lost all sense of time and place and they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms as the rain poured down on them and the sky was lit up by harsh lightnings.

Finally Spike pulled away and looked up. “Better you get inside before God strikes us down.” He was smiling but his words were oddly cynical and Liam wondered why he’d chosen them.

“Yeah, I guess.” He jumped as a lightning struck a few blocks away but Spike merely nodded and got on his bike. He moved to put his helmet on but lowered it again, looking over at the drenched boy. Then he tilted his head and gave Liam a smug smirk.

“You’re quite the bloke, Liam. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

Before Liam had time to answer Spike’s face was hidden behind the helmet and the bike was roaring away, leaving him behind in the rain. As the bike disappeared into the darkness he turned and headed toward the house, suddenly realising that he’d never told Spike where he lived.


	6. Chapter 6

 

When he woke up his first reaction was to mourn the loss of the best dream he’d had in ages. Still had him feeling all tingly and… heavy and… actually quite awful. Blinking he tried to get rid off the dizziness but it only made his head hurt even more. He felt sluggish and it dawned on him that he might quite possibly be sick. Oh fuck.

Could be why his dreams had been so vivid. Well, then it might even be worth it although his mom would go nuts. With a groan he sat up.

On the chair across the room lay a bundle of wet clothes.

Huh.

Swinging his legs slowly over the side he stood up. Something creaked under his feet. Surprised he looked down. All over the floor were scattered white sheets of paper, each and every one of them featuring a drawing of Spike. Smiling, laughing, looking at him with those smouldering eyes. Naked.

Suddenly he remembered going straight for his paper and pencil as he got home, not even noticing until almost two hours later, when his hands were shaking too much for him to continue, that he was still wearing his wet clothes. Then shedding them and tumbling into bed, goosebumps all over his ice-cold skin.

“Liam? You’re gonna be late.”

Shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck!! In a panic he gathered the pages, stocking them like cards. Bending down made him even dizzier and he had to steady himself for a second before straightening up.

“Liam? I never heard you come in last night. Your jacket is soaking wet. Liam?”

He barely had time to shove the stack of sketches under his bed - Spike's cock waving suggestively at him as the shadows swallowed it - and crawl back under the blankets before his mother opened the door. Innocently he tried for a ‘hi’ but it turned into a coughing fit which made him double over, trying to catch his breath.

“What on earth…? Liam!” With a worried look she hurried over and put her palm to his forehead. “You’re burning up! Were you out in that storm yesterday? I can’t believe this!” Paling slightly she felt his pulse. “Did you take your pills last night?”

He nodded but in fact he couldn’t remember. All he remembered was Spike’s mouth on his, Spike’s smile, Spike’s cock…. It wasn’t a dream. It really wasn’t a dream.

His mother picked up his wet jeans and searched in them for the little box he was forced to carry with him everywhere. Like a cripple’s crutch or a blind man’s staff. Counting the pills she then turned to him, anger and fear in her eyes.

“You forgot to take both your afternoon pill and the one for the night? Jesus, how can you be so irresponsible? I’m calling the doctor.” Grabbing the wet clothes she hurried out, slamming the door behind her.

Her harsh words hurt but he knew they were brought on by fear and he did deserve them. He had indeed behaved irresponsibly. It was just that he got a little distracted by Spike. Spike’s wicked eyes watching him and Spike’s soft lips kissing him and…

He must have fallen asleep because suddenly Spike’s hot kisses got replaced by a cold stethoscope being pressed to his chest. It hurt to breathe and when he opened his eyes there were black spots dancing in front of him.

“I think we better take him in. Just to be on the safe side.”

Dr. Golden’s words made him frown and he wanted to object but he was too busy wheezing for air. He had that test today and Spike… Oh damn. What would Spike think if he didn’t come to school? What if he’d get angry and thought Liam was avoiding him? What if… what if Spike wouldn’t even notice he weren’t there?

\-------------

He wasn’t sure what woke him up. The cool oxygen in his nostrils and the constant beep-beep was too familiar to be disturbing. Turning his head his gaze fell on a dark figure standing by the window; back turned to him.

“Spi…” There was a slender hand stroking his cheek before the first cough ended. “Sshh… ‘S all right. You scared the shit out off me, you know?”

“Wha...” He cleared his throat and tried again. “What? How did you…?”

Spike grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly. “Got a bit pissed off when you didn’t show up this morning.” He averted his eyes. “Thought you were bailing out on me… But then in third period there was this math test.”

He raised his eyes again and gazed at Liam through lowered lashes. “Now even if I didn’t even remember we had a sodding test, I knew you’d never miss one without a bloody good reason, Mr. Has-to-get-A’s-for-everything. Some of the guys told me you were probably just sick again.” Again he looked away. “So everyone knows about this ‘cept me?”

“Not exactly something I go around telling people…”

“I’m not people!”

The angry voice made him jump and he stared at Spike in confusion.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… I could have killed you!” Spike jumped up and started pacing the small room. “ And what the bloody hell were you thinking? Fuck!”

Liam shrank back in the bed, trying to keep the tears from falling. “I didn’t know it was gonna rain. I didn’t know…” Ashamed he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh bugger. No, I’m the one who should be sorry.” Spike’s voice shook a little. “It’s just… I finally found where they had you and I got in and you were lying here, so fucking pale and those bloody tubes all over and…”

The kiss felt cool on his hot lips, and he instinctively parted them without opening his eyes. Spike had been worried about him. Spike had come all the way here to see if he was ok. Spike was… kissing him and his parents might walk in on them any second. The thought got him instantly hard and he moaned into the kiss. And then gasped as a hand travelled up his thigh and sneaked into the horrible hospital pants he was wearing and… Oh God!

His dizzy head was spinning and not just from the fever. The strokes were slow and careful and had him soon panting. Suddenly he was alone again, blinking to get back his vision and someone was saying…

“You must be Liam’s mum. So pleased to meet you. William Winter, a friend from school.”

William? Huh. And where did he get that accent? Sounded strangely posh and not like Spike at all. And… Oh my God, had his mother seen them?

He looked at her nervously as she shook Spike’s hand and mumbled something about how nice it was of him to drop by, but she didn’t look shocked, just a bit surprised. Probably didn’t quite see Spike as someone likely to be his friend. But then again she wouldn’t know what a friend of his should look like, not having seen any since kindergarten.

She came over and stroke his cheek and he was terrified that she would notice the bulge under the cover but then Spike dropped a bunch of notes on his lap. “Ms. Brewer asked me to give you these so you could catch up. You know how she is, always looking out for you.”

Liam gave him a grateful look, knowing full well that she never would even have thought of it and Spike was only trying to save his dignity. “Thanks. I’ll… look it over.”

“No problem. Well, I should get going. Got to tell the girls you’re still their handsome hero.” He gave Liam a wink and he couldn’t help rolling his eyes. Don’t overdo it, Spike. Even mom knows that’s bullshit.

“Thank you so much for your trouble, William. And I’m sure Liam would appreciate you dropping by again. He should be allowed home tomorrow. I’ll bake cookies.”

Oh God. Want to pay him money too? He wished the bed would swallow him to spare him the embarrassment but Spike just smiled and shook her hand again with a ‘That would be lovely, Mrs O’Connor’, throwing a wicked look Liam’s way, tongue curled over his teeth as soon as she turned her back on him.

“If there’s anything I can give him a hand with, it will be my pleasure.” And then he walked out, leaving Liam blushing red and grasping at the papers on his lap to keep them from shivering.

“Such a nice young man. And you’ve never mentioned him?” Smiling his mother started chatting about some English boy she’d met while visiting her grandparents in Ireland during her college years but Liam tuned her out, still feeling Spike’s tongue in his mouth. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Are you sure you don’t want me to...”

She was pattering enthusiastically, rearranging things on his desk, straightening a few pencils, flashing Spike her friendliest smile, which he returned patiently, as he had done ever since she’d shown him in, triumphant as if he was a present brought home for her son to enjoy. Well, that was more or less an accurate description, Liam thought, trying to hide his impatience.

“I’m sure, mom. Please?” He gave her a less than subtle ‘Get the hell out’ nod toward the door.

“You have to excuse my son. He thinks I’m babying him. I try telling him, that’s my job, being his mother.” She patted Spike amiable on the arm but for once his smile didn’t look quite genuine. She didn’t notice though, only gave the boys a happy smile before closing the door behind her.

“Sorry about that. She’s a bit...”

“She loves you. It’s what mothers do.” Spike’s expression was oddly blank but before Liam had time to wonder why he shook his head and looked at Liam with a wicked smile. “And no criticizing the cookie making lady. She really did bake these?” Picking an especially big one he sank his teeth into it, face positively orgasmic. “Coth theth goog.”

Liam grinned. “So I see.” He took one himself but only nibbled it, too caught up in watching Spike eat to really feel hungry himself. He couldn’t remember ever seeing him munch on anything with such enthusiasm. Actually, when he thought about it, he couldn’t remember seeing Spike eating at all, not in the cafeteria at school anyway.

He started to say something but then Spike took a big gulp of milk and looked up at him, a childish white moustache above his lip, and he forgot every word that had ever entered his brain. Mesmerised he stared as Spike licked his lips, blinked and said “What?”

“You’re so pretty.” Oh God. _Thank you brain!_

Spike stared at him, then slowly put the glass on the floor, his eyes never losing contact.

The kiss was soft and deep and once again Liam found himself getting lost in Spike’s warm embrace. Not that he really had the experience to tell but he was pretty sure Spike was the greatest kisser in the world. When they finally broke apart, Liam was heaving for air. Spike looked worried but Liam waved it off with a smile. “I’m all right. Just swooning like a girl again.” That made Spike grin but he still waited until he was sure Liam’s breathing was back to normal before standing up and looking inquisitively around.

Liam watched Spike gaze around the room like he was seeing it for the first time and he wondered what it looked like to a stranger. Pretty girly, he guessed. There was a big poster with a reprint of DaVinci’s Vitruvian Man above his bed. But other than that his walls were mostly covered with his own drawings. And he suddenly realised how utterly self-conceding it must look. Not that he’d ever thought of it that way, he just liked studying how his style had evolved and that way he could work on what he found lacking. But to an outsider it probably looked like he had the biggest ego ever.

“I really should take some of these down.” He blushed as Spike turned briefly to look at him, before getting back to his studying. He stopped in front of the big, framed coal drawing hanging over the desk then turned to Liam, watching him silently for a moment.

“It’s beautiful. How old was she?”

“Two and a half.” Liam bit his lip then frowned “How did you know?”

“Saw the pictures downstairs and your mum...” Spike hesitated, then added, ”She looks at every one of them as she walks by and this one...” turning back he gazed at the sleeping child. “This one she almost prayed to.” Reaching out he traced the smooth lines, fingers hovering just above the glass. “How old were you?”

“Fourteen. I did it the night before she...” Liam could still hear his parents wailing and feel the cold terror that had gripped his heart when he’d realised it was all over. “I should really redo it. I got the arm all wrong and her hair...”

“No.” Spike shook his head. “It’s perfect. It will never be more beautiful than it is now.” He turned to Liam again. “If you did it again it would be for the wrong reasons. This is how you should remember her.” Embarrassed he looked away. “I’m sorry. It’s non of my business.”

“No, you’re right. Thank you.” They fell into awkward silence, Liam staring at his hands resting on top of the covers, Spike lost in his own thoughts. After a while they both looked up at the same time and Spike stepped forward, accidentally knocking over the half full glass of milk.

“Oh bugger.” Grabbing a handful of napkins from the tray he kneeled down to wipe up the mess leaking under the bed.

“No! Wait! I’ll...”

But it was too late. Spike stood slowly up, staring at the piece of paper in his hand. Liam cringe in humiliation. “You...?”

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have. I just… I’ll throw them away. I’ll…”

“This is how you see me?” Spike looked up at him, eyes dark and unreadable.

“Please. Don’t be mad. I know they’re not good. I was tired and cold and...” He felt close to crying. Spike was gonna leave and hate him and God, he’d ruined everything.

“ _This_ is how you see me?” Spike reached under the bed and pulled out a dozen more, scattering them across the bed. “This is how you _see_ me?”

“No! I mean yes. I don’t know.” Liam gathered up the sketches with trembling hands, fighting back the tears. “I’m sorry. Sometimes my head gets filled up with all these images and I just start drawing. I didn’t even realise I was drawing you, you know... naked until after. It just happened.” Terrified he watched Spike turn away, shoulders tense, arms unconsciously hugging his small body.

“Please don’t go.” Liam’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Spike turned around slowly. Walking over he took the now crumpled sheets from Liam’s shaking hands and smoothed them out carefully on top of the covers. “This is how you see _me_ ,” he said, his voice filled with wonder.

Confused Liam looked up, straight into Spike’s stunned eyes. Then he took a deep breath and smiled nervously. “Yes. That’s exactly how I see you.”

Yes, Spike was definitely the best kisser in the world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of a change, it's from Spike's POV. Yes, I know, stupid to change after so many chapters with only Liam's POV but it couldn't be helped since... well, Liam isn't there most of the time. Not digging too deep though, even when we're peeking into his mind Spike keeps his thoughts mostly to himself.

Spike smiled as he heard Liam yawn beside him on the bed. They had been chatting for a while, about art and music, a conversation mainly held up by Liam as Spike listened with interest. But Liam’s voice was getting softer and sometimes he stopped, having lost his thread as exhaustion muddled his mind. Spike was feeling sleepy himself and would have loved to slip under the covers and let the world fall away, his arm around the weak boy beside him.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you know where I lived? The other night, on the bike. Did I tell you?”

Spike tensed but Liam’s voice only revealed innocent curiosity. “Saw you outside here one day when I was riding by.” Sort of.

“Okay.” Liam moved further down until he was resting on his side, slipping his arm around Spike’s waist. “This is comfy. I like having you here.”

“I like being here.” Spike wondered what Mrs. O’Connor would think if she walked in on them. Unless... “Do they know? Your parents. That you’re gay, I mean.”

Liam looked sleepily up at Spike. “What?” He blinked, then his eyes widened. “Oh. No. Not really. I haven’t exactly told them. Not that they would be mad, or I don’t think they would be. It’s just... I haven’t had the need, you know, to... well, ‘come out’ because I’ve never been with... And anyway it’s not something you just chat about over dinner or...” Seeming to realise he was rambling he bit his lip and blushed. “Guess I haven’t been ready to tell them. Yet.”

Spike nodded slowly. “Just thought I’d ask, that’s all.”

Liam sighed, fighting to keep his eyes open. “How about you? Do they...?” He yawned and snuggled closer.

Spike was quiet for a while, his fingers unconsciously stroking Liam’s hair. He opened his mouth a few times but shut it again. Finally he came to a decision and looked down, only to find Liam sleeping soundly. Carefully he removed Liam’s arm from around his waist and slipped off the bed. Moving around the room silently, he gathered up the sketches and restored them to their hiding place under the bed. Then he put on his coat, gave Liam a kiss on the cheek and walked to the door. At the last moment he turned back and pulled one sheet out from under the bed. He gazed at it for a long time, until a loud snore from the bed made him jump and quickly shove the drawing back. The door made no sound as he closed it slowly behind him.

He made his way quietly down the stairs and was almost at the front door when a soft ‘Hi there’ made him stop in his tracks and turn around. Liam’s mother was standing in the kitchen doorway, a steaming mug in her hand.

“Tea?”

He wanted to decline, say he really had to go, but something made him change his mind; whether it was the hopeful look on her face or the dark night waiting outside he wasn’t sure.

Sitting by the kitchen table he looked around as unobtrusively as he could. This was obviously the centre of the household. It smelled of cooking and love and when she put a mug filled with steaming hot herbal tea in front of him he wrapped his fingers around it to keep his hands from trembling. So this was what a home felt like.

“So, William.” She sat down at the table across from him and sipped the hot liquid slowly. “My son is quite taken by you.”

Startled he looked up, heart beating in his chest. She was watching him, a kind smile on her face. “Well, I can see you’re quite taken by him too.” She winked and added, “Of course he has my looks so...”

He was still staring at her, too stunned to react. She kept sipping her tea, watching him patiently. Finally he lowered his eyes. “Look, Mrs. O’Connor. I don’t know why you think...”

“William, I know my son. I know him even better than he thinks.” She pushed the bowl of sugar towards him and in a haze he put two lumps in his tea. “It doesn’t bother me, him being gay; although I must admit I worry. What mother wouldn’t in this day and age of prejudice and... terrible diseases.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I always figured he’d come and tell me on his own accord, when he was ready. But now there is you.”

Spike looked away, bracing himself for what was to come. He knew what impression he made on people. Tough, angry, unapproachable. Definitely not son-in-law material. He had tried though, to put on his best appearance. No makeup, no visible piercing, he’d even combed his hair until it looked as conservative as it could in it’s bleached state. But he knew he looked far from ‘normal’. She might tell herself she was okay with her son’s orientation but there was no way she would accept Spike as his boyfriend.

“I’d like to get to know you a little. Not the third degree or anything, just where you’re from and well, I guess... where you’re going.”

He swallowed and hunched over his mug, the hot steam making his face damp. “Not much to tell. I’m from England, obviously. I came to the States a year ago and moved here in April.” He looked up again, face blank. “That’s all.”

“Really? Hmm. Liam called you Spike, where does that come from?” She grinned amiably when he blushed. “See, I knew there was more.”

He cringed. “Was my dog. Back home, when I was little.” He glanced at her but there was no ridicule in her smile.

“Do you miss him?”

Spike shook his head coldly. “He’s dead. No use in missing him, is there?” With a start he realised what he’d said and his eyes widened in horror. “Oh God! I didn’t mean...” Shit, he was so stupid. Avoiding her eyes he stared down at the mug. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, William.”

They sat in silence for a while, sipping the hot tea. His heart was heavy and he was very nervous but he had to ask. “Your daughter...”

“Kate. Well, Caitlin actually, she just never learned to say it properly.”

“Caitlin. Was it the same as...?”

“Yes.” Seeing the look on his face she reached out and patted his arm. “But she was much worse than him. Well, obviously.” She smiled fondly like the ghost of her daughter was sitting there with them. Perhaps it was, stranger things had happened, he thought.

“She had three heart attacks before her first birthday. Liam’s only had four so far.” Unconsciously she knocked three times on the table. “Doesn’t mean he’s safe. And it’s not just the heart, as you know. His lungs... well, they are weak. A simple cold can bring him down if we’re not careful.”

Spike closed his eyes, the guilt turning his guts. “I’m so sorry. I was stupid. I could have killed him.”

“You didn’t know, William. Now you do.” She leaned back with a sigh. “He should have known better himself. I guess he just forgot, being in love and all.”

Spike flinched, then laughed bitterly. “In love? He doesn’t even know me. He can’t...” There was a huge lump in his throat. “He doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.”

She shook her head. “He is stronger than you think. After all he’s used to having to fight for his existence.”

“It’s not the same. No one hates you for being sick.” Great, Spike. Way to reassure the in-laws.

She looked at him with compassion and worry. “They hate you?”

He avoided her eyes. “They will. So far they’ve been too scared. Guess that’s about to change. After all, who’s afraid of the big bad queer?” His face was blank but his voice shook slightly. He wouldn’t be the only one they’d hate. He was about to take her son with him to hell.

“You don’t have to tell them. You could...”

“Oh, they’ll know. And anyway, how can we hide it? When I see him, I...” He suddenly realised who he was talking to and blushed. “They’ll know, trust me.”

He fell silent, wishing he could tell her that it would all be all right. That he’d make sure her son would be happy. That this wasn’t a bad thing. “I’m not scared of them. I’ll take care of Liam.”

“How old are you, Spike?”

“I’m seventeen.” _Seventeen years? Was that all?_ “But I’ll take care of him, I promise.” Spike stopped and bowed his head. This was useless. It was so obvious he couldn’t even take care of himself let alone her son.

“I know you will. I don’t think he could have found himself a better boyfriend.”

He raised his head in bewilderment. She looked so happy. The knot that had been building up in his stomach suddenly loosened. His whole body started shaking, he could hear himself giggling like a lunatic and then there was a strong arm around him and he was crying into her warm embrace.

He didn’t know how long he cried. He hadn’t been held like that for what seemed like a lifetime and he just wanted to stay in her arms forever. Or at least until Liam woke up again. Thinking of the boy – his boy -sleeping upstairs made him sober up and he pulled away, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, you don’t need this. I...”

“Don’t be sorry. What woman wouldn’t want to comfort such a handsome boy?” She offered him a handkerchief, which he accepted with gratitude, drying his eyes and wiping his nose before clutching the damp cloth in his hand. “Seems to me you need someone to talk to. I’m here for you if you want but I guess you’d rather confide in Liam...”

“No!” Spike stood up abruptly, almost knocking back his chair. “Please, don’t tell him. I don’t want him to...” He turned away and stared out the window. Raindrops were leaking steadily down the glass. “I have to be the strong one. I think he needs that, someone he can lean on.” He turned to her again. “Not that he doesn’t have you, I just mean... It’s a different world out there, once you’re ‘out’. I don’t think he realises.”

“And who do you lean on, William? Are your parents...?”

His face closed down and he grabbed his coat. “I have to go. Thanks for the tea, Mrs O’Connor.” He was gone out the door before she could stop him and as he rode into the night, not even taking the time to put on his helmet, she watched him from the lit porch. He felt like he was leaving home.


	9. Chapter 9

Liam couldn’t remember ever being this nervous and excited at the same time. He hadn’t seen Spike all weekend, once again berating himself for not getting his phone number and just the thought of seeing him, sitting next to him in class, maybe even touching; had him shivering in anticipation. But it also had his heart beating so fast he kept fumbling in his pocket for the small box of pills.

They would have to be so careful. If the other kids found out… Not that he was scared. He had Spike and Spike would… Spike would look after him. So he wasn’t scared. Just a bit nervous.

It would be all right. It would be all right, even if they did find out. He was used to them treating him like shit and Spike… Spike would never let anyone treat him like shit. Ever.

The first thing he saw when he walked into the classroom was Spike’s empty seat. His heart fell. He tried to convince himself that it didn’t have to mean anything. Spike was probably just late, overslept or something. But the voice in his head, the same voice that used to tell him he was a loser and a freak, the same voice that kept telling him one day his heart would stop permanently, that voice told him that Spike wouldn’t come. Would never come.

Mr. Donnell, the history teacher, smiled at him and bid him welcome back but he was too depressed to do more than nod. All around him his classmates where laughing and talking and he felt like a stupid monkey in an Amazon forest filled with chattering parrots. His head started to hurt.

“Nice to see you’ve decided to honour us with your presence.”

“Yeah whatever.”

Liam’s head snapped up so fast his neck creaked. Spike was sauntering across the classroom, his black leather coat blowing behind him like a cape, blue eyes fixated on Liam, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. He sat down with a thump, put his feet up on his desk with another, tipped his chair back and closed his eyes. Mr. Donnell glared at him but as usual he didn’t say anything.

Liam had a hard time concentrating. Beside him Spike sat as standoffish as always and for a moment he wondered if it had all been a dream. Then he felt a warm hand being laid on his knee. He sneaked a peek at Spike but he could just as well have been asleep if it hadn’t been for the fingers travelling up Liam’s thigh, closer, closer until he felt a firm stroke against his already hard bulge. He couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath but managed at the last moment to cover it up with a cough.

The rest of the class went by in a blur. He was fighting to keep his breathing normal, to keep still even though he wanted to grab Spike and beg him to kiss him, to hell with who was watching. He was pretty sure there was a damp patch on the front of his pants and his thighs were shaking. The teasing was killing him and when the bell finally rang he was trembling as the classroom quickly emptied. First then did he turn to Spike, grinding against the hand in his groin.

“Spike!”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck!”

“Soon.”

Liam stared at him. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were like dark black pools. He had never felt like this before. It was lust, pure and raw and he was loosing all control over it. When Spike stood up he rose with him, leaning closer until Spike had to step back to keep his balance.

“Pet, we have to go. We’re supposed to be in biology. Liam?”

“I want you.”

“Jesus!” Spike backed away from him until he hit the door.

“Please! I can’t wait. I want you to kiss me. Now. I want you now.”

Spike stared at him then hitched his breath when Liam leaned in closer, practically whimpering with need. “God, Liam! We can’t… not here. Oh fuck!”

The kiss was filled with desperation and desire. Someone was rattling the handle but Spike’s weight kept the door locked. Finally he pushed Liam away.

“Want you too, luv. Fuck do I want you… FUCK OFF!!” The rattling stopped and they stood there panting, staring at each other. “Five hours. Five hours from now we’re gonna get on my bike and ride away from here and I’ll have your cock in my mouth before you’ve time to pull your bloody helmet off.”

“Five hours?”

“Five hours. Think you can wait that long, luv?”

“Guess I’ll have to.” Liam’s pout made Spike smile.

“That’s a good boy.” The words send shivers down Liam’s spine.

They kissed again and then Liam moved back to his desk, trying to look innocent as he gathered his stuff while Spike flung open the door. “Who the bloody hell was humping the knob? Didn’t I tell you wankers to fuck off?”

Liam fought back a smile as the scared kids backed away. Humping the knob? In five long hours he would be.

\---------

The last hour was the longest. He kept checking his watch but somehow that only made time go slower. Ms. Brewer was mumbling numbers and half the class was dozing off. Spike had mostly been ignoring him all day but for once he was grateful because every time they happened to catch each other’s eye he wanted to jump on Spike and rip his clothes off.

Damn, what was happening to him? He’d never been reckless or impulsive about anything. If he’d been asked a week ago to describe himself he would have said he was rather shy and had a tendency to let his mind wander. Now? Now he’d have to describe himself as a walking case of raging hormones. And if his mind did wander it was to quite different places.

His head was filled with images of Spike. Spike kissing him, Spike biting his nipples, Spike pushing him down and spreading his legs then thrusting his slick cock inside…

“Liam? Something you need?”

_Spike. I need Spike._ “Huh?” He looked up at Ms Brewer’s sour face. “What?”

“I _said_ is there something you want to ask me?”

He stared at her in confusion then looked around. The classroom was empty. “No. Sorry. Just thinking.” Fuck! Was Spike gone?

She sniffed and strode out, like a big whale in a mumu and he gathered his things as quickly as he could. Way to go, moron. Getting so lost in a dirty fantasy that he might just miss the real thing.

Spike wasn’t outside the classroom. He wasn’t anywhere in the halls. He wasn’t even out on the school grounds. Liam was panicking as he reached the street. What if Spike had gotten angry with him for making him wait so long? What if he thought Liam was avoiding him? What if…?

“’Bout time you came.” He spun around, sighing with relief when he saw the grin on Spike’s face. “Brilliant move though. Would have looked a bit odd if you’d run right after me with that look in your eyes.” He tilted his head and let his eyes wander down. “And that bulge in your trousers.”

“Move? Oh. Yeah. Exactly.” He grinned back. “So where’s your bike?”

His eagerness made Spike laugh. “Can’t wait, can you?” The smouldering look Liam gave him stopped his laughter short. “Right. Lets go.”

He strode ahead and Liam had to jog to catch up with him. They walked in silence but the tension between them said more than any words. Liam kept glancing at Spike, watching his profile, the tense jaw line, and the pounding vein on the right side of his forehead. The way he unconsciously gnawed his lips; upper – lower – upper – lower.

“See something you like?”

“Yes. Very much. Can we kiss now?”

Spike stopped and looked at him, smiling that smile again. As if Liam were Spike’s little boy, being humoured because he had just said something cute. It made him want to whimper and fall to his knees.

“No. Someone might see us. Stop pouting! Liam… Oh bloody hell!”

It was quick and hard. Spike’s tongue thrust into his mouth, one hand on the back of his neck crushing their lips together, the other squeezing Liam’s cock until it was throbbing in his pants. Then he pulled away, leaving Liam swaying. “No more until we’re there. Behave.” He strode off again, making Liam stumble after him, a huge grin on his face.

The ride was breathtaking. Spike kept pushing back against Liam’s erection and Liam kneaded Spike’s hard bulge. The danger of the situation only made them both harder. They covered the bike once again with branches, this time together, and then Spike was pulling him through the woods. It was like deja vu except this time he felt no fear, only burning lust.

“We can’t be too long, luv. Don’t want your mum to worry.”

“Well, hurry then. I’ve had my helmet off for five minutes already.” Spike grinned and then he was on his knees, popping the buttons on Liam’s jeans and oh sweet Jesus! Spike was sucking him, wrapping his tongue around the head, rolling his balls in his hand, licking, nibbling, sucking, sucking, sucking…

“Spike! God! Stop! Fuck! I’m gonna… oh Jesus!” He grabbed onto Spike’s hair but it was too late. Spike kept sucking and licking him until it felt like there wasn’t a single sperm left in his balls. His trembling knees gave away and then he was in Spike’s arms licking his own taste of swollen lips.

“Fuck, Liam. You taste so sweet.” Spike licked his neck, his hands slipping inside his pants to cup his ass. “Like fucking candy.”

“You taste like Spike.” Liam groaned and closed his eyes.

Spike laughed. “Is that good?”

“It’s like heaven.”

Spike stopped and looked at him. “You really mean that.”

Liam blushed but he didn’t look away. Just reached out and ran a finger down Spike’s cheek. “Yes. You take me to heaven.”

“Almost did.” Spike kissed him softly to stop him from protesting. “I’d rather have you here on earth with me though. It would be hell without you.”

“Ok.” His simple answer made Spike smile until he hurried on. “But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know and I forgot to take my pills, twice actually, and then I forgot to take my wet clothes off and…”

“Pet?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up and get naked.”

“Ok.”

The afternoon sun was warm as it shone down on his bare skin. He was quite tanned, used to sitting out in the sun, drawing or just lying on the grass, daydreaming. Spike on the other hand, was pale, like he hadn’t seen the sun in years. Liam wondered for a moment if it wasn’t hot, wearing that leather coat all the time but the thought of Spike being very hot without the leather coat soon took over.

“Come here.” Spike dragged him down until they were laying side-by-side and they kissed for a long time, limbs entangling. Then they just lay there, eyes locked, hands exploring, lips occasionally dropping light kisses on warm skin.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you like me?”

“What?”

“I mean, no on likes me. And you don’t like anyone. So how come you like me?”

Spike lay quiet for a while, his fingers stroking Liam’s hip, letting them slip down his backside and then up again. “I like you because you’re different. I like the way you sometimes stop talking mid-sentence because you get distracted. I like how your eyes get that far away look and a bomb could go off without you noticing because you’re lost in your own world. I like your hands because they’re big and safe. I like your smile because you mean it. I like that you like yourself even if the idiots don’t. I like you.” He looked away. “I like you very much. Too much maybe.”

Liam blinked. “Oh. Is that bad?”

“It can be. Pet, you know they’re gonna find out.” Spike raised his head and looked at him with sad eyes. “It won’t be easy. Do you understand that? Do you understand how your life will change once they find out? The world is full of stupid wankers that just love hating people like us. And I’m not just talking kids here, I’m talking about the teachers, your neighbours, your fucking best friend.”

“You’re my best friend.”

“Ok, not your best friend then, but it’s still a lot of fucking assholes.”

“I know. I’m not stupid. But I’d rather have it that way than don’t have you.”

Spike closed his eyes. “See, that’s my point. If it hadn’t been for me you never…”

“If it hadn’t been for you I’d be sitting alone at my desk every day, wondering if I was a freak. If everything I was feeling was wrong and bad and sick. But now I know that it’s not. Because I feel wonderful and happy and how can that be wrong?”

Spike opened his eyes and stared at him. “You really believe that?”

“Of course I do. Look, Michelangelo couldn’t have found anything more beautiful to paint than your face as I touch you. Like this. You should see yourself. Ooh, I’ll draw it for you. And Leonardo would have loved to capture that smile you give me when you think I’m not looking. Yes, that one. Spike, this is beauty. And beauty is never wrong.” He kissed Spike then lay down on his back and closed his eyes. “Mom taught me that.”

Spike lay quiet beside him for the longest time but he wasn’t worried. Everything was good. The world was filled with beauty and it was all good. Finally he could feel Spike shift and then there was a wet mouth nibbling at his nipple. He smiled and then he moaned and then he was whimpering and writhing as Spike covered his body with light kisses, licks and shallow bites.

Good? It was fucking wonderful.

Later Liam lay between Spike’s thighs, watching the emotions play on his face as he practised everything Spike had taught him. Licking made Spike gasp, sucking made him bite his lips and furrow his brow, teasing the slit made his eyes fly open and roll back. It was like the best movie ever. When Spike came Liam swallowed dutifully even if Spike had told him he didn’t have to, that some guys didn’t like it. It tasted strange but he still liked it. It was like he got to take a small part of Spike home with him, if only in his belly. The thought made him giggle and Spike looked down at him lovingly before dragging him up for a salty kiss.

As they were getting dressed, Spike glancing worryingly up at the sky that was still bright even if the sun was getting lower, Liam wished he _could_ take Spike home with him. Not just for dinner or a cuddle but forever. Wished they could sleep together in his bed, Spike’s arm wrapped around him, making his dreams easier. Wished they could snuggle up on the couch, watching some horror movie so Spike would have to squeeze him tight because horror movies always scared him. Wished they could be together. Always.

The thought made him stop short, jerking back Spike that had been leading him through the forest. “You all right, luv?”

“I’m gonna tell my parents.” He turned to Spike, his face determined. “I need to tell them. About us. Is that all right?”

Spike kissed him and smiled. “Yeah, pet. It’s all right. It will be all right.”

He wasn’t sure if the butterflies in his stomach were because of the wind tugging at his clothes as the bike soared along the road, the heat emanating from Spike’s body pressed against his or the relief he felt from finally being ready. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a little more of Spike's POV in this, because Liam just keeps sleeping and missing all the angst.

“Mom?”

She turned around and smiled at him. He averted his eyes, fiddling nervously with a stray thread in his sweater. “Can we talk?”

“Sure we can, honey. Sit down and I’ll make us some tea.”

He couldn’t help smiling even if his heart was beating wildly and he was sweating profusely. Tea. His mother’s answer to every problem. She took her time, heating the water, getting them crackers and putting all the washed dishes away before sitting down across the table.

They sipped their tea in silence and Liam could feel his tension draining away. Maybe tea could solve everything. Or at least help things along. She looked up at him every now and then and smiled reassuringly. After about a quarter of an hour he took a deep breath and looked straight at her.

“Mom, you remember Spike? I mean, William?”

“Of course I do. Such a lovely young man. I liked him very much.” She was still smiling but he could feel the tension in her and for a second he hesitated. Until the fantasy of Spike and him cuddling on the couch came back to him.

“So do I. A lot actually.”

She closed her eyes and he held his breath, fighting the urge to run away. Her breath hitched and when she opened her eyes again there were tears glittering in the corners. “I know you do, Liam. I’m so happy for you.”

He stared at her, completely shocked. “You... you’re not mad?”

“No.” She smiled. “You really thought I would be?”

“I don’t know.” She raised her eyebrows and he grinned sheepishly. “No. Maybe not. You’re not even disappointed?”

She shook her head and moved over, giving him a kiss on the cheek and hugging him hard. “Liam, you’re still the same good son you’ve always been. Nothing’s changed except now we can talk about this. If you want.”

“You knew?”

“I guessed. Then Spike came along and yes, I knew.” She smiled at him. “The way you look at him, the way he looks at you. It’s pretty obvious.”

“He looks at me?” He blushed and she laughed, elbowing him playfully.

“You know he does. Stop fishing for compliments.”

He blushed more but wouldn’t let it go. “How does he look at me?”

Her face got serious and she cupped his cheek lovingly. “Like you’re the most important thing in the world to him.”

He was quiet for a while, biting his lip. “What if I disappoint him? What if he finds out I’m just... me?”

“I think ‘just you’ is what he wants.”

“But he is so much more than me. He is...” Liam closed his eyes, picturing Spike in his head. “...beautiful and strong and I’m just... me. Weak and sick and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”

“Liam, stop it. You’re seventeen; you’re not supposed to know. And he likes you the way you are, sickness and everything. It’s a part of your life but it’s not you. He’s very lucky to have you and you’re quite lucky to have found him.”

He bowed his head, then looked up and smiled happily. “I am, aren’t I?”

They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Then he said quietly, “What do you think dad will say? You think he’ll be mad?”

She looked over at him and shook her head. “I don’t think you have to worry. I’ll talk to him when he gets back on Friday. But he knows.” She caught his look and laughed. “Your dad... lets just say he was pretty wild back in his days. No, not like that, but some of his best friends were... really good friends.” She winked and he giggled, suddenly visioning his dad smoking weed and watching his best buds make out. “If you tell him I told you he’ll never forgive me.”

He kissed her and smiled. “It will be our little secret.” Suddenly drained he stood up. “I think I’ll go early to bed, I’m a bit tired. Mom?” She looked up. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. For telling me. Means a lot.”

He nodded and headed for the stairs then turned back and popped his head through the doorway. “Can we ask him over here, for dinner? Tomorrow maybe?”

“Of course you can. Hope he likes lasagne.”

Liam grinned happily. “I’m sure he does. Thanks, mom.” He skipped up the stairs, his mind already planning what movie to rent.

\-----------

“Please, William. Have some more.” She pushed the big box of ice cream in his direction but he shook his head.

“Thank you so much, Mrs O’Connor but I can’t. I’m completely full.”

Actually he was a bit embarrassed, he had eaten so much, but no one seemed to think it odd, actually Liam’s mum kept scooping more on his plate and when it was time for dessert his stomach was already aching. Not that that had stopped him. He glanced up at the woman, still waiting for that look, that frown, that said he was doing something wrong, that he _was_ something wrong. It hadn’t come yet.

He’d been uneasy about meeting her again after last time but how could he say no to Liam with his big brown pleading eyes and his pouty lips and his warm hands slipping inside his pants as they were kissing in the restroom? (Actually, the word ‘no’ hadn’t really been in his vocabulary then, although ‘yes’ was repetitively.) But she had greeted him like her long lost son and for once he almost felt like one.

Liam kept smiling at him across the table, or more accurately, grinning like a happy idiot. He had been so excited when he finally got the chance to tell Spike about how the talk with his mum had gone. Although it had been pretty obvious by the goofy smile on Liam’s face when he arrived at school that morning. Spike was happy for him. Happy enough to let go of his jealousy and focus on the good part. Like the fact that they had a place where they could be themselves without having to sneak around. It felt like a safe haven.

“I have to go out, I’m meeting the girls for a drink. Now you boys just go watch TV or whatever you want to do...” She stopped and grinned. “I did just say that, didn’t I?” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Try to keep your pants on while you’re downstairs anyway.”

“Mom!”

Spike stared at her dumbfounded. When a blushing Liam took his hand and pulled him into the living room he stumbled behind, mind fogged. Where was he? In the Gay Pride alternate universe? He sat down in silence, suddenly unsure and confused. Did she really mean it? The smiles, the kind words, the acceptance? And if she did, what did that say about his own family? If he could call it that.

He didn’t even ask what Liam was putting in the VCR, just pulled him close when he cuddled up next to him and stared at the screen, too lost in his own thoughts to notice what was going on. Someone was screaming and Liam was hugging him but all he could hear were their yells and curses, echoing in his mind. Suddenly Liam jumped and he was startled out of his thoughts.

“Pet, what’s wrong? Jesus, what are we watching?” He grabbed the remote and pushed pause before turning to the sheepish boy beside him. “Why are we watching this? You hate scary movies.”

Liam blushed. “I don’t know...” He looked down at his bare toes. “I thought maybe...”

Spike couldn’t help grinning. “I would sweep you up in my strong arms and protect you against the monsters? Be your knight in shining armour?”

Liam glared at him, flushing red. “No!” He looked away. “Stop laughing.”

“Liam, I’m only joking.” Spike reached out and pulled him in for a kiss. Then moved over and nibbled Liam’s left ear. “If we want to make out we don’t need an excuse.” He licked down the tense neck. “We just do it.” His warm hand stroke down the broad chest then lower, lower... “Like now.” Spike pulled back, tilted his head and gave Liam’s his sultriest look. “If you want to.” Liam shivered as the hand reached his erection. “Do you want to, pet?”

Liam’s eyes glazed over, anger long gone. “Yes.” His voice was husky and there was a shimmer of sweat on his upper lip. “Please.”

“Your room?” Liam nodded. “Come on then.” Spike pulled him to his feet and smiled at his lust filled face. “And since we’re going upstairs…” He backed away and up the steps, pulling Liam after him by the waist of his jeans, slowly popping one button after another.

When they got into the room Liam shut the door behind them and fell to his knees, undoing Spike’s own jeans with shaking hands. “I’m so glad you don’t wear underwear.” He laid his cheek against Spike’s warm stomach and closed his eyes. “I like that I can sneak my fingers in between your buttons and touch you.”

Spike smiled. “I know you do. You’d want me naked all the time so you could touch me whenever you’d feel like it.”

Liam looked up and shook his head. “No. Not all the time. Just when we’re alone. I don’t want other people to see how pretty you are.” He continued slowly pulling down the jeans until the thick cock sprang free. “Because then they would want you for themselves and take you away from me.”

Spike stared down at him. Then he closed his eyes and sighed as the hot tongue started licking. God, Liam was indeed an excellent student. But then again he had a teacher who had been doing this for far too long. Not that he would ever teach him all he knew. Some lessons just shouldn’t be taught.

\----------------

She stood in the doorway, silently watching the two boys in their sleep. She really should wake William up, his parents were probably worried about him. Or maybe not. She could feel something was wrong. He was too tense, too much on guard like he expected her to turn on him any minute. And Liam, he kept looking at Liam like he didn’t quite believe in him being there.

She leaned down and kissed her son on the forehead and after a brief hesitation did the same to Spike. He flinched and whimpered in his sleep but calmed immediately when Liam instinctively pulled him closer. Yes, something was definitely very wrong.

Once down in the kitchen she stood for a while, contemplating what to do. Biting her lip she then reached for the phonebook. Couldn’t be that many Winters in this small town. Determined she sat down and started flipping the pages.

 

\----------

His first thought as he woke up was that he hadn’t slept so well in years. His next thought was swallowed by utter panic when he realised where he was. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! He looked at the clock, fighting the fear that was threatening to cripple him. Only seven. Maybe he could sneak in before they woke up. He slipped from the bed as quietly as he could and pulled on his clothes. Halfway down the stairs she called out to him. He froze.

“It’s all right, William. I called them last night, told them you would be sleeping over.”

Oh God.

He turned around slowly. “You talked to them?” She nodded, the hallway to dark for him to see her face. “Why didn’t you wake me up? You should have woken me up.”

“You looked like you needed the rest. William, it’s all right.”

“No it isn’t! You don’t understand. They...” Suddenly feeling weak he sank down on the stairs, leaning against the railing. She came and sat beside him but he refused to look at her. Couldn’t.

“I told them you were sleeping in the spare room.” Her voice was gentle and she reached out for him but he turned away, shaking his head.

“It doesn’t matter. They will know.” They sat in silence and he wondered what she was thinking. Maybe she was reconsidering her evaluation of him. Maybe she was going to tell him to leave Liam alone, he had enough problems of his own, didn’t need the hassle. Maybe he should even if she _didn’t_ say it. After all it was true.

“Your mother...” she began but he cut her off coolly.

“She’s not my mother. She’s just...” He stopped.

“All right. The woman I talked to, she seemed... well, indifferent.” She kept glancing at him, trying to catch his eye but he wouldn’t look back. Indifferent? Yeah, right. He kept staring out through the railings. On the wall opposite was a picture of a smiling infant. He envied her.

“William, talk to me. I know there is something wrong but I can’t help you if I don’t know what it is.” He didn’t answer, his whole body so tense he thought he might burst. “I gather they know you’re gay.” She waited for a moment before continuing. “Not too happy about it, I guess. Well, some people... it takes time. And some even never... well, it’s a real shame but it’s not your problem, it’s theirs.”

“But I am. Their problem. That’s what I am.” He stood up, still not looking at her. She followed him down the stairs then watched silently as he put on his boots and coat before reaching for the door.

“You’re a lot more than that, William. You know you are.” Her voice was gentle but firm. “To Liam you’re... a lot more.”

He let out a soft sob, but didn’t turn around. “He’s lucky to have you, you know?”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Did your mother...”

“My mother is dead.” He opened the door. “I killed her.” He walked out, closing the door behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left it hanging last time. Couldn't be helped and besides, it was fun being evil. *eg* Well, I'm afraid you won't get any answers yet. Bear with me, folks. Instead you get drama and a blowjob. I hope that's all right.

Liam kept looking at his watch then back at the door. Five minutes past. Maybe Spike wouldn’t come today either. He was starting to get worried. His mom’s daily inquiries weren’t helping, especially since she was failing miserably in concealing the anxiety in her voice. He had tried asking her if something had happened that morning but she wouldn’t say. Just told him Spike had had to leave early to get his books for school.

But Spike hadn’t come to school that day and not yesterday either. And tomorrow was the weekend. Yes, he was definitely worried.

As Ms. Brewer kept mumbling on about percentages he once again went through the last days in his mind, trying to figure out what he’d done or said wrong. But it all felt so right, he couldn’t find anything. His last memory was of Spike nuzzling into his hair, his arms wrapped tight around his waist, his spent cock pressed against his ass. And then his mind had drifted off, and he was dreaming of how to capture that sparkle in Spike’s eyes, the grin on his face, the beauty in his limbs, with the simple strokes of his pencil. Unconsciously he started sketching in his math book. Beautiful. So beautiful.

“Jesus! Look at that!” The book was suddenly snatched from him and he looked up in confusion. Ms Brewer was gone and Riley was looming over him, a huge grin on his face as he waved his treasure around. “Didn’t I always say you were a fucking fag?”

He threw the book over to one of the other boys and the rest of the class gathered around, snickering. Liam tried to stand up but Riley pushed him back in his chair and Liam watched in horror as the book was passed around.

“Fucking hey. Liam’s got a crush on Spike! When we show him this, he’s so gonna fucking kill you.”

“Show me what?”

The whole room got quiet and then the crowd parted like the Red Sea to make way for Spike who strode up and snatched the book out of their hands. He stared down at the drawing then walked over to Liam, face grim. “You did this?”

Liam gazed up at him, tears in his eyes. Spike was supposed to take care of him. Spike was supposed to…

“Answer me!”

Defeated he bowed his head. “Yes.”

“You drew me like this?” The whole class was listening, suppressed nervous giggles could be heard from some of the girls. Spike ignored them.

“Yes.” Please don’t do this. Please…

“Fuck it, Liam. You know my cock’s a lot bigger than that.”

They could have heard a feather fall.

Liam raised his head in shock. “What?”

“Just look at it!” Spike shook his head in disgust then slammed the book down on the desk and pointed at the organ in question. “That’s only about six inches! You’ll ruin my reputation!”

Liam blinked, still not sure what was happening. “Sorry?”

“You better be.” Spike sighed. “Pay attention next time you suck it, will ya?” He caught Liam by the back of his head and pulled him in for a rough kiss. Then he looked around in annoyance. “What the fuck are you looking at?”

“Are you…?” Riley stared at him. He was almost a foot taller than Spike but somehow there was no question who would win if they ever fought.

“Mind your own bloody business, farmboy. Go fuck a sheep.” Spike turned his back on a raging Riley and sat down, feet up on the desk in his regular fashion. The air was vibrating with tension but he didn’t seem to notice, just leaned back and closed his eyes, one hand resting on Liam’s trembling thigh.

Liam had never been so scared in his life. And he’d never been more in love. His knight in shining armour saving him from the monsters. He could hear someone moving behind him and tensed, but Spike’s hand pressed down on his thigh, warning him to stay still. Time ticked slowly by. Ten seconds, twenty…

“What’s going on in here? Go sit down the lot of you.” Mr Dalton looked over at Spike and Liam and frowned. “Anything you want to tell me?”

Spike opened his eyes and looked at him. “No. You?” The teacher met his stare for a moment, and then looked away, embarrassed. “All right then.” Spike closed his eyes again and as the class started Liam finally began to calm down. He kept glancing at Spike, still hardly believing what had happened. Guess they were out.

It felt pretty good.

\------------------

The news spread fast. Wherever they went they could hear suppressed giggles and as soon as they had passed the muffled whispers of gossiping continued. Liam was taking it all in with fascination. He was so used to being ignored that all this attention was making his head spin. It was scary but then he would look over at Spike, who didn’t seem to care what the fuck people were saying, and he found he could hold his own head up high quite easily.

Not that they didn’t hurt, the kissing noises and the giggles, and when someone shouted ‘Fucking fags!’ after them he wished the earth would swallow them. But Spike just gave the two fingers like it was no more insulting than a simple curse and a few steps later he slammed Liam into one of the lockers and kissed him hard.

Right in front of everybody.

Then he sauntered into their classroom, dragging Liam behind him like nothing had happened. The rest of their classmates came in and settled down, buzzing like bees until Ms Kindle threatened to throw the lot of them out. During the class she kept looking over at the couple du jour but she didn’t say anything and it was the same the rest of the day.

When the last bell rang Spike got up quickly and impatiently waited while Liam gathered his things and then strode out, dragging a happy Liam behind him. They slowed down once they were outside the schools premises and walked in silence for a while. Finally Liam couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking of you and worrying and I didn’t even notice I was…”

Spike waved dismissively. “It’s all right. They were bound to find out sooner or later. Although I was hoping it would be later.”

“Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Spike grinned and ran his hand down Liam’s ass. “Beside, now I can kiss you whenever I want.”

Liam stopped and turned to him. “Like now?”

Spike laughed and pulled him down. “Yeah, like now.”

The kiss was sweet and tender, nothing like the ones they’d shared during the day that had all been rough and demanding, like Liam was something Spike owned and was there for his pleasure. The thought made Liam shiver. He rather liked that, being Spike’s possession.

Spike was rubbing Liam’s ass so Liam ran his hands down Spike’s back, stopping instantly when Spike winced and groaned. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

The way Spike’s face closed down scared him. “It’s nothing. I fell off my bike.”

“But your coat isn’t torn. Didn’t you have it on?”

“No. Just forget about it, ok?” He shrugged Liam’s hand off his shoulders and walked ahead, jaw tense. Liam ran after him, the worries of the last couple of days rushing back.

“Why didn’t you come to school? I was worried and mum she…”

Spike stopped and looked at him, face blank. “Did she say something?”

“No. I just know when she’s worried. She keeps talking about nothing and makes tea a lot. Why?”

Spike hesitated and then shook his head. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“Stop saying that. Let me see where you’re hurt.” Liam reached out to pull Spike’s coat aside but he pulled it tighter around his body. “Ok, not here but at home. Please? I could kiss it better.”

Spike sighed. “Isn’t your dad coming home today? You have a lot to talk about and I…”

“But it’s about you anyway. I’m sure he wants to meet you. And I’ve missed you.” He knew he was whining but damn, he didn’t want Spike to disappear over the weekend again. And he wanted to make sure Spike wasn’t seriously injured. And once he got him naked…

“I missed you too, pet.” Spike stroke his cheek, leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. “But it’s not about me, it’s about you. And I…”

“Was that why you didn’t come to school?”

Spike blinked. “What?”

“Because you fell of your bike? Was it on the way home from my place? Because you did have your coat with you then so…”

Spike sighed. “Liam, drop it, ok? I just fell and scraped my back. It’s nothing.”

“But it’s hurting you. Please, come home with me. Please. If you don’t want to show me, don’t show me. I…” He looked away. “I just want you to be there with me, in case…”

“Didn’t your mum say he would be okay with it?” Spike reached up and turned Liam’s face until he was forced to look at him. “That he knew already?”

“Yeah, but… what if he’s not and…” Seeing the look on Spike’s face he gave up. “I don’t want you to go away and I won’t see you until Monday and…”

Spike shut him up with a soft kiss, then tilted his head and smiled. “Who said you wouldn’t see me until Monday?”

“Well, you didn’t come all last weekend and…”

Spike smirked. “You want to make sure I ‘come’ this one?” He pulled Liam close by his belt, grinding their groins together. “How many times were you planning?” Playfully he pushed him into the alley and against the wall, rubbing one hand over Liam’s hard erection, the other slipping inside his pants, gripping his ass. “Cos with you, I could just come and come and…”  
  
Liam tried to glare but it was hard when his heart was racing and his pants were getting tighter. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Really?” Spike sank down and started loosening Liam’s belt, then popped the buttons one by one. “I think you’re worried you won’t get to see my tight arse, won’t get to lick my fucking big cock, won’t have me coming all over your pretty face…”

“No, I’m… oh God… I just… wow… ok, maybe a little… please, Spike… oh fuck... oh please… oh G… nnnnngggggghhhh!!”

Spike stood up, licking his lips. “See, now you owe me at least one time.” He gently put Liam’s spent cock away, buttoned his pants up and fastened the belt before giving him a slow deep salty kiss. “I’ll be around tomorrow to collect. With interests.”

Panting, Liam watched him swing on the bike and take off. As it went past he noticed it didn’t have a single scratch on its shiny surface.


	12. Chapter 12

Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He’d been foolish, speaking to Liam’s mum like that the other day. Somehow she seemed to slip under his barriers, making him say words he shouldn’t, feel emotions he was supposed to keep buried. It was unnerving. He opened his eyes and stared at the door in front of him. He had felt at home here. And now his reckless words had probably fucked everything up. But still he couldn’t stay away. And not just because of Liam.  
  
Determined Spike reached out and pushed the button and when the door opened he tried to look composed, smiling at the person in front of him.

Liam’s father was a tall, handsome man in his forties. Who was at this moment silently inspecting Spike, making him feel like an animal in a cage waiting its doom. Would it be life, death or simply castration? Finally the man nodded and beckoned him in.

Spike took of his coat and boots and then humbly stood waiting further instructions. His arms unconsciously wrapped around his body and he felt very small.

“William, right? Well, Liam is upstairs but why don’t we have a talk first?”

Spike swallowed and nodded before following the older man into the kitchen, its friendly atmosphere for once not calming his nerves. He sat down and the ever-present tea was poured into a mug and put in front of him. Camomile this time. He blew on the hot surface before taking a sip. As the heat started to seep into his body he wondered how long he would be allowed to stay.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, William. I must say you’re not quite what I expected my son’s first boyfriend to be.”

Spike stared down at his mug. The liquid was turning into acid in his empty stomach. It had all been a bit too good to be true. Should he argue? Should he plead his case, say he would change; he would be whatever they wanted him to be? Would it make a difference?

“I’m sure you understand my concern. Liam is… well, he’s not exactly the type I would have thought you’d go for. He’s quite sensitive and… I gather you know about his illness?” He sighed when Spike didn’t answer. “Please don’t take this the wrong way but… I’m worried about what your intentions are.”

“I didn’t turn your son gay.” **_Bringing this perversion into our home!_**

Liam’s father smiled. “Oh, I know that. I’ve known he was gay for quite some time. I didn’t mean it like that. What I mean is…”

“It’s not a game, if that’s what you think. I… He means a lot to me.” **_Love is sacred, holy. Not this… depravity!_**

“And you obviously mean a lot to him. Damn, he’s so in love he can’t think straight.” The older man leaned back and said quietly, “I heard you spent the night.”

Spike flinched. “We didn’t… I mean, we haven’t…” He closed his eyes. “Not that.” **_Like animals! Like dogs, that’s what you are!_**

“Ok. But I guess you plan to at some point. Are you safe?”

“Yes.” **_Who knows what you could have infected us with?_**

“You sure?”

“I was tested three months ago and I haven’t… been with anyone since.” **_Never again, you hear me?_**

“Tested for everything?”

“Yes. I’m clean.” **_You filthy, disgusting boy!_**

“All right then.” Liam’s dad reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Now that wasn’t too bad, was it? Anything _you_ want to ask? I feel like I’m the Spanish Inquisition here.” He chuckled. “Except you kinda expected me, right?”

**_Haven’t you done enough? Your mother is crying in heaven because of you._ **

The older man looked worried at the boy’s still lowered head. “Are you all right? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

**_I’m gonna beat it out of you even if it kills you. You hear me? You hear me, boy?_ **

“Son?”

**_It’s for your own good. I’m trying to save you, save your sick soul._ **

“William? What’s wrong, sweetie?”

**_You should be thanking me. Stop it! Stop that insane crying!_ **

“William? William, please.”

**_Hell! That’s where you’re going! Hell! You hear me, boy?_ **

“William? Can you hear me?”

“No! It’s not true!” He jumped out of his chair only to find Liam’s mother looking at him with pained eyes and he blinked in confusion

“William, it’s all right. Everything’s all right. I could kick that man! I’m sorry, he shouldn’t have leaned on you like that. I told him to let it be, but… William?”

“No, I’m sorry.” Damn, his voice was shaking. “I should go. I can’t…” He stopped. The sound of footsteps came from above and then they could hear Liam skipping down the stairs.

Spike froze. He closed his eyes. “Please don’t tell him.”

Resolute he shook his head to get rid of the demons inside and when he opened his eyes again both his expression and body language had changed. A few seconds later Liam stuck his head through the door and was greeted by a smiling Spike calmly sipping tea.

“You’re here! Why didn’t you let me know, mom?” Happy, Liam walked over, looking shyly up at his mother’s turned back by the sink, before giving Spike a quick kiss. “She always has to give everyone tea. Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“Yeah. Thanks Mrs O’Connor. The tea was lovely.” As they walked out of the kitchen she turned and gazed after them, tears in her eyes.

\------

“… and he was so cool about it. Just wish I’d told them sooner, you know?” Liam snuggled closer and sighed happily. “It feels so much better, having it all out in the open. Don’t you think so?”

Spike nodded absentmindedly and kissed him. “Yeah, sure.”

Liam looked up at him and frowned. “Are you all right?” He sat up. “I forgot! How’s your back?”

“’S all right, don’t worry about it.” Spike pulled him down for a kiss that lengthened and deepened and soon he had Liam giggling as his shirt was slowly unbuttoned and kisses rained over his chest.

“One for your heart to make it stronger, one for each lung to help you breath.”

Liam smiled. “My heart is stronger because you’re in it. And you know, what you’re doing isn’t exactly making breathing easy.” He gasped as Spike bit his nipple playfully. “Like now!”

“You want me to stop?” Licking lower, lower…

“No. Never.”

\------------------

Liam eased himself out of Spike’s arms and tiptoed to the bathroom. He could hear his parents’ muffled voices downstairs and smiled as he closed the bathroom door behind him. Felt naughty doing all these things with them in the house. And incredibly good. He was still walking on clouds from talking with his parents. It had been so great and they had both told him it didn’t matter and how much they just wanted him to be happy. And then he’d gone on and on about Spike of course. It was a bit embarrassing now that he thought about it but he just wanted them to see how wonderful he was. Dad had even laughed about that sheep-comment. Of course he hadn’t told them exactly how the kids at school had found out. Some things were better kept private.

As he flushed and washed he wondered if he should ask his mom if Spike could spend the night again. She hadn’t been mad last time, even if that had been totally accidental, but she had seemed worried. Maybe she thought they were…

When were they gonna do that anyway? He was nervous and scared that it might hurt but every time Spike touched him ‘there’ he wanted to push back and force his finger/tongue/cock inside, whatever fit the moment. But Spike always pulled away again. It left him yearning for something he wasn’t sure what was, but he damn well wanted it. Wanted him.

He slipped inside his room again, and quietly locked the door, careful not to wake up Spike. He had seemed like he needed the sleep and Liam didn’t mind, he liked watching him sleep anyway. Actually…

Half an hour later he had finished three drawings. Spike looked so peaceful in his sleep and a lot younger than his 17 years. His hair was tussled, his mouth half open and the long eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks. So beautiful. Liam held his breath as the object of his affection mumbled in his sleep and turned over, t-shirt hitching up. Frowning Liam stood up and walked over.

There were fading pink lines on Spike’s lower back. In a couple of places the skin had obviously broken and the thin wounds were covered in yellow scabs. Those did not look like ordinary scrapes. Certainly not like he had fallen off his bike. Maybe Spike had gotten into a fight and been beaten? With… something. But why would he lie about it? And who would beat Spike anyway? No one he knew would even dare look at Spike funny, more less lay a hand on him.

Unless it wasn’t someone at school…

The thought made his stomach turn and he sat slowly down. No one would be that cruel, would they? Not to their own son. It had to be someone else. Nervous he smiled at his own paranoia. It probably all had a very simple explanation and Spike just didn’t want to worry him. He was like that, his Spike, always looking out for Liam, wanting to protect him from all kind of things. Like he was a child. It was a bit frustrating but it still felt good that he cared so much.

He was getting cold, after all he’d only slipped his boxers on before going to the bathroom so he took them off and slipped back under the covers, snuggling up to Spike who grunted and pulled him closer. “Cold feet. Brrrr. Come on, let me warm you up.”

Liam wondered if he should ask Spike about the bruises but then a warm hand slipped down between his legs and he forgot about everything else.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written the last part of this chapter so often in my head, lying in bed late at night, that I was kinda surprised that it wasn't already typed in. Guess me and the PC aren't one yet. Anyway, this is a dark chapter but I want to explain that the people in question are fanatics, not normal at all. But if anyone is offended in any way I'm sorry, even if I'm not sure for what.

It was dark by the time Spike left. Liam had wanted him to stay over but Spike didn’t even have to look over at Mrs O’Connor before she told Liam that tonight wasn’t convenient. He was thankful but he knew at some point both of them would run out of excuses. And then what?

He‘d been nervous when Liam’s mum called them down for dinner but it was like nothing had happened. Well, almost. She did seem to talk more than usual and Liam’s dad kept glancing at him, a guilty look on his face. Fortunately Liam didn’t seem to notice anything since he was busy smiling at Spike and sneaking a hand into his lap, obviously thinking his mum didn’t notice, while Spike very awkwardly knew she clearly did.

Then they had sat down in front of the TV and gotten into a very lively discussion about British music and for almost two hours Spike had managed to forget his own life. That is until Liam started to yawn and hint unsubtly about Spike spending the night. Then reality came crashing down on him, turning his stomach cold.

When Spike stood by the door, ready to head out, Liam wrapped his arms around Spike’s neck and held him tight for a long time.

“You all right, pet? I’ll see you on Monday, you know?”

“I know, I know. It’s not that, it’s just… You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?”

Spike hesitated. “Why would something be wrong? Didn’t it all turn out all right?”

Liam looked away . “Yes, but…”

“No buts… well except our butts.” Spike smiled and reached up to stroke his cheek. “Monday, ok?”

“Can’t you come tomorrow?” Liam’s big puppy eyes had him smiling even if his heart ached.

“I told you I can’t. Family stuff, you know? Anyway, it will do you good to miss me some. Don’t wanna spoil you, pet.” Spike ruffled his hair playfully.

Liam smiled but he obviously wasn’t at ease. Spike could feel him watching him when he got on the bike and kicking it off was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He looked back one last time at the boy shadowed against the warm light from the door and then he was heading into the darkness.

As the bike roared along the deserted road Spike wished he was going in the other direction, could walk back into that warm house and sit with Liam’s family, talking and laughing and then crawl into bed with Liam to sleep peacefully. The thought made his breath hitch. _Stop it. No use wishing for horses or however that saying goes._

Finally he came to a halt in front of a shed, got off, unlocked it and led the bike inside. He turned on a flashlight that hang from the ceiling and took of his leather coat, carefully putting it on an old hanger by the door. Then he took of his tight black t-shirt, folded it and put on a shelf, before turning to stare blankly into a chipped mirror hanging on the wall.

Slowly he took off his rings and bracelets, unhooked the stud from his scarred eyebrow and smoothed down his hair. With practised moves he wiped the eyeliner from his eyes and cheeks. When would they make one that was really waterproof, he wondered absentmindedly. Finally satisfied he pulled on a white shirt and buttoned it all the way up. The black tie felt more strangling than ever. The grey jacket completed the look and he gave himself a last look over in the mirror. Goodbye Spike.

Locking the door firmly behind him he began the 15-minute walk to his home.

\----------

When Mrs. O’Connor went to Liam’s room to make sure he was asleep she found him sitting up in bed, studying some drawings. He put them away quickly when she knocked gently on the open door but she could still see they were of Spike, sleeping. “You all right, darling?”

He nodded but then he looked up at her, a worried look on his face. “Mom? Do you think he’s ok? Spike, I mean.”

She walked over and sat down beside him on the bed. “Why? Did something happen?”

“No. It’s just…” He went silent but then reached for the drawings and put two down in front of her. As always his talents amazed her. The details were extraordinary, she could see each strand of hair, see the beauty of the relaxed muscles in his shoulders. And she could clearly see the welts on his back.

“You did these today?”

“Yes.” He blushed and she knew he was embarrassed about revealing in such a way what they had been doing but clearly his concern had won over his embarrassment.

“Did he tell you what happened?”

“He said he fell off his bike. But it isn’t scraped or dented and his coat isn’t torn and he didn’t come to school for two days and... ” His voice trailed off as he reached out and traced the faint lines with his finger. “I think someone beat him. Someone… not at school. Maybe.” He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. “What should I do, mom?”

She pulled him close, her heart aching for the lonely boy in the drawings and the worried and confused one she held in her arms. “Be his friend. Show him that he can trust you and that you will be there for him if he needs you. It might be nothing, but if it is…” She fell silent. If it was, what were they to do?

\-------------------

She slipped under the covers next to her husband and as he pulled her tight into his embrace she finally allowed her tears to fall. He stroked her hair and allowed her to let go of the tension that had been building up all day. After a few minutes she calmed down and dried her eyes.

“That poor boy. Something is seriously wrong in his life. And he’s so good to Liam.”

“I know. I feel awful for what happened. You should have told me about…”

“I know, I know, I just didn’t want to break confidentiality. We have to do something, dear. We can’t just…” She swallowed a sob.

“We have no proof, sweetie. And I don’t think he will talk. Not yet anyway. But Liam… Liam might get him to open up. Let’s wait and see, okay?”

“Okay.” But somehow she still felt they were letting the poor boy down

\---------------

“You’re late.”

Spike kept his gaze lowered. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. I missed the bus. Sir.”

“Where are your books?”

Closing his eyes he could see the backpack on the floor in the shed. _Shit. Think fast, you idiot._ “It looked like it might rain, sir, so the kind lady at the library offered to keep them for me behind her desk until Monday morning. They’ll be quite safe there, sir.”

“Rain? You’re not wet. Are you lying to me, boy?”

“No, sir. The wind seems to have changed, sir. I guess I got lucky, sir.”

There was silence for quite some time and his neck was starting to ache. Don’t move.

“All right then. You only have thirty minutes to finish your chores so I suggest you hurry.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Spike hummed inside his head some lullaby his mother used to sing for him as he cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floors. He soaked in the pain her memory brought him, feeling it fill every fibre of his being, just as it should. The shocked look on her face right before she died, that was how he should remember her. The scream and then the silence when it was all over. So he repressed the image of her leaning down to kiss him goodnight when he was a child, suppressed the memory of her warm embrace, her kind eyes. He did not deserve such comfort.

“You have two minutes left.”

“Yes, sir. Almost done, sir.”

Making sure every item was in its right place Spike then walked into the living room, keeping his head bowed. He stopped beside the couch where his aunt and uncle sat in silence, watching some documentary on TV. His uncle didn’t look up, just tapped the ash of his cigarette into an ashtray by his side and continued watching the program. After a while he waved his hand dismissively and Spike turned around and walked out again. He took a few deep breaths, enjoying the light and warmth for a few seconds before opening the basement door.

The steps creaked familiarly and he counted them absentmindedly. 33 steps until he reached the cold mouldy floor. He walked over to the bed and undressed in silence, carefully folding the clothes and putting them on the small chair beside his bed. Then he fell to his knees and took position. Head bowed, hands clutched behind a rigid back, he let his mind wander.

Liam.

The dampness and cold went away and all he could feel were Liam’s warm hands roaming his skin, Liam’s wet lips kissing him, Liam’s happy laughter ringing in his ears. His own safe haven.

Spike didn’t know how long he had to wait this time, but it must have been quite a while since the excruciating pain in his knees had been reduced to a numb throbbing and he was so cold he wasn’t sure he even could get up again. Well, it was his own fault for being so late; he’d known that would earn him a punishment.

The heavy ‘thump, thump, thump’ on the steps made him close his eyes tighter. He didn’t move when his uncle kneeled beside him, just kept his eyes closed and hoped it would be over soon.

He tuned out as the familiar chanting began, knowing the words by heart. They were all about sin and hellfire and punishment. He had long ago stopped trying to understand how the same God could be so different from the one his mother had taught him about. Clearly she had been mistaken.

He was in the middle of a fantasy involving Liam and a bowl of cream when his mother’s name caught his attention. He tensed, knowing what was to come, wishing it wasn’t all so true.

“We can’t even imagine her horror, dear Lord, when before her was not the son she had dutifully raised and loved for so many years, but this perversion, this filth, this… murderer. He took her life, killed his own mother, my Lord, and is therefore forever banned from your Paradise. Give us strength, guide our hands, our hearts, so that we can make sure no further harm can be brought on by this outcast.”

The bitter voice ranted on but Spike couldn’t hear it. As always the guilt overwhelmed him, making him want to bang his head against the wall until he passed out. He shouldn’t be alive, he had no right to be here, breathing, living, when his mother was cold and dead in the ground.

_“I feel wonderful and happy and how can that be wrong?”_  
  
Liam’s voice suddenly burst through his dark thoughts and he could feel tears prickling behind his eyelids. He did not deserve Liam. A boy so innocent and sweet and Spike was corrupting him, tangling him in his web of sins and sorrow. He should be ashamed, and a part of him was, but he just couldn’t stay away from him. Liam made him feel like maybe he wasn’t all bad, wasn’t dirt, like maybe he was entitled to a little bit of happiness. And he craved that, craved that warmth more than anything. He might be bad and evil, but he was also weak and selfish and so he kept going to Liam, if only to enjoy a short moment in his sun. _‘Please God, don’t punish him for my faults. He’s so innocent, he doesn’t know.’_

The loud ‘Amen’ woke him up but he stayed dutifully on his knees until his uncle tapped his shoulder. He didn’t manage to stand up, just crawled into bed, thankful when his frozen skin was covered by the thin wool blanket. As the restrains were put in place he closed his eyes. He was already far away in fantasy land when the single bulb was turned off before the key was turned in the lock, leaving him in complete darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

Liam woke up to an agonising pain in his chest. Breathing deeply to fight the familiar panic, he reached for the box of pills by his bed. The room was still dark and he fumbled around for a moment until his fingers finally grasped the box, only to loose it again. He heard it tumble under the bed and his chest tightened even more. Telling himself to ‘breathbreathbreath’ Liam turned on the light and slid off the bed. He was starting to see spots in front of his eyes and his hand clutched the panic button that hung around his neck when he finally saw the box among the stacks of sketches and swirling dust bunnies.

Leaning against the bed, waiting for the medicine to take effect he closed his eyes. This had been happening far too often lately. He hadn’t told his parents yet although he knew he should. But he could just picture the look on his mother’s face if she knew. He just couldn’t do that to her. Not that his dad didn’t worry but mom… mom would be so scared. Liam looked up at the drawing of his sister. Maybe he should do a self-portrait. Just in case…

He crawled back into bed, snuggling up in the warmth under the covers. He’d been dreaming about Spike and this time it hadn’t been the usual wet one. He didn’t remember much of it, just darkness and crying and watching someone beat Spike with a bloody stick. He had tried to intervene but he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak and when Spike suddenly looked up at him, crying, an icy hand suddenly gripped his heart and he woke up.

Liam turned over and buried his face in the pillow beside his. It still smelled of Spike. Like spice and smoke, earth and sunshine. Liam sighed and pulled the pillow into his arms, hugging it tight. Even if it had just been a dream, the memory of Spike’s pained face made his stomach turn. What if Spike really was in trouble at home? And Liam was doing nothing to help him, nothing at all. He felt like the wimp his classmates always said he was.

No! Not this time, this time he would not be a wimp. He would get Spike to talk to him, tell him what was going on. And then… then he would decide what to do next. Determined, Liam got out of bed and headed downstairs. He always had a craving for pancakes when his heart was acting up.

\--------------------

There were footsteps above, the familiar sounds of people getting ready to go out. Spike listened carefully until he could hear the door slam. They’d be gone for at least two hours, maybe even three. He wondered what it was like, their church. Not anything like his mother’s beloved church that’s for sure. That one had been bright and comforting. He’d actually liked Sunday mornings back then. He especially loved the boys choir, they sounded like angels, innocent and pure. He had wanted to join but he never got up the nerve to ask. Then his voice changed and it was too late.

He hadn’t been to church since he got here. Not that he really wanted to go, he had this fear God would do something horrible to him if he dared enter His house. That’s what Uncle Marcus had implied, that he was unworthy of His glory, that his presence would bring damnation upon the whole community.

Actually he’d never been anywhere with his aunt and uncle except when they got him enrolled in school. They expected him to do his duties and obey their rules but otherwise not exist. The few times someone came to visit he was locked down in the basement with strict orders of being quiet or there would be hell to pay. Only once had a visitor come especially for him. Fortunately he never came back, his exorcism methods had given Spike nightmares for weeks.

His nose started to itch. He tried scrunching it up and then rubbing it against his shoulder but it didn’t work. Sighing he closed his eyes and waited for the maddening feeling to go away. Just not think about it, think about something else. Liam…

One hour gone by. Or so he guessed. He’d drifted off for a while, lost in thoughts and fantasies. One involved Liam rushing down the stairs to release him and get him out of here. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that one. Like bitter hope mixed with shame and fear. He’d been so close to telling Liam about… everything, a couple of times but fortunately he’d managed to stop himself. Liam had enough on his plate. It had nothing to do with him being scared that Liam might stare at him and see whatever it was his uncle saw right before he slapped Spike’s face and threw him down the basement stairs, leaving him to wait in the dark for days on end. Nothing at all.

\----------------

Sunday went by incredibly slowly. Liam had already done all his homework, cleaned his room, done about a dozen drawings, most of them of Spike, and he was dying of boredom. Why couldn’t they meet on Sundays? Why? Why? He sighed dramatically, drawing the attention of his mother who was absentmindedly watering the plants.

“What’s a matter, honey?”

“Nothing. Just bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored.” He threw himself into the comfy chair, letting his head fall back and his right leg swing off the edge. “I don’t like Sundays.”

She smiled and walked over, running her fingers through his hair. “You never used to mind them before.”

“Watch it! No messing with my hair, lady.” He patted it gingerly but he couldn’t help grinning.

“Can’t resist, you’re just too cute like this.” She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

“Yeah, yeah.” He watched her as she tended to the pots of dirt, not really seeing the attraction. Plants didn’t talk back, they didn’t rub your leg or purr in your lap. Boring. Boring, boring, boring. “What’s for dinner?”

“Chicken Alfredo. You like that.”

“Yummy.” He swung his leg again, staring up at the ceiling. “Mom?”

“Yes, dear.”

“You found Spike’s phone number, right?”

She stopped and turned around, uncertain. “Yes.”

“I was wondering if I should call him, you know, just to say hello.” Liam picked at a loose thread in his shirt, her conflicted face unnerving him.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, sweetie.”

The cold feeling returned to his stomach. “Why?”

“Because…” She paused. “Because he wasn’t too happy I had called. And if he had wanted you to call he probably would have given it to you himself.”

“I guess.” But he still felt like he was letting Spike down somehow. “Maybe I’ll ask him tomorrow.”

He closed his eyes, thinking of that look on Spike’s face again, that look of resigned grief. But then it got replaced with images of Spike smirking, Spike licking his chest, Spike staring at him with those piercing blue eyes and before he knew it his mother was shaking him awake, the smell of chicken tickling his nose.

\---------------------------

They were back. Spike kept still, listening for sounds that might indicate what he could expect. They weren’t talking. That wasn’t good. That was even worse than when Uncle Marcus screamed at his wife, accusing her of flirting with the minister or gossiping with the other wives. Because that was all they were, wives. There to serve their husbands, never to argue, never to have a single independent thought or feeling without their 'masters' permission.

He couldn’t really picture Aunt Beatrice flirting with anyone though, let alone someone of authority. She never looked up, never said anything except ‘Yes, dear’ and ‘Amen.’ But his uncle had this knack of sniffing out sins, knowing your thoughts before you even realised you had them, so maybe he was right about her being a whore and a sinner. But somehow Spike doubted it.

And if his uncle was wrong about that he could be wrong about other things, a small voice whispered in Spike’s head. For a moment he felt the constant weight lift from his chest but as if his uncle had been hearing his thoughts, it was smacked down again. As it should. He knew he was guilty. After all he’d been there.

The sudden light hurt his eyes and he squeezed them shut. The footsteps were even heavier than usual and Spike felt his stomach turn. This was definitely not good. He tried opening his eyes but he couldn’t focus after all those hours in the dark and all he could see was a blurry shadow against the bright light.

His restrains were loosened and a paw of a hand was placed on his shoulder, pulling him to his feet. He was a bit wobbly and his back hurt but he managed to stand up straight, head bowed in the usual fashion.

“You stink, boy. Get upstairs and take a shower.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” He hardly had to think anymore when talking to his uncle. His brain kind of went on autopilot and most of his feelings and thoughts shut down. Most of them.

He stumbled up the stairs, goose bumps forming on his skin as the warm air hit his cold body. The basement was too deep to absorb any of the heat outside and Uncle Marcus didn’t believe in spending money on such luxuries as heating down there.

The water was warm though. Spike closed his eyes and let his head fall back, feeling the hot water hit his face. He was thankful his uncle believed strongly that cleanliness was closest to Godliness. Sometimes he felt the every other day showers were the only thing that kept him warm. Until Liam came along, that was. Now just the thought of him made Spike forget the cold.

A loud knock on the door made him jerk his hands away from his cock. He stared down at it in disbelieve. He hadn’t even noticed what he was doing and now he was fully erect with no hope of getting a release.

“Time’s up. Get out.”

“Yes, sir.” He shut off the water and stepped out, reaching for the towel. As he dried off, making sure not to touch anything ‘down there’ he filled his mind with all the unpleasantness he could think of. Nothing helped. In the end he closed his eyes and brought up the image of his mother in the coffin, his father staring at him with hatred.

The door opened and he turned around slowly, towel wrapped around his waist.

“There’s food in the kitchen. Eat it, clean up, then get back down.” The voice was cold and Spike shivered. Not good, definitely not good.

He ate the food fast and in silence, not wanting to do anything to irate his uncle further. There wasn’t much, either he was still being punished for being home so late last night or they’d just forgotten him again.

As soon as he had put everything away he hurried downstairs, still only dressed in the damp towel. Hanging it up to dry he slipped on some clean boxers and once again went into position. As the heavy footsteps descended he closed his eyes and thought of Liam.

\-----------------------

Liam contemplated waiting outside the school for Spike but he didn’t want to seem too desperate. The halls seemed longer than before, filled with eyes staring at him, voices whispering and laughing. Somehow it was different than when he had Spike by his side. With Spike he felt brave, strong. Alone he just felt like Liam.

The classroom got silent when he entered and he was careful not to look at anyone. Just walked over to his desk and sat down. _Please come now, Spike. Please._ Out of the corner of his eye he saw Riley stand up and slowly walk over. Shit. He stared straight ahead, waiting for the onslaught. But instead he felt Riley back away again and when he looked up Spike was standing in the doorway, glaring at the whole class, defying them to fuck with his boy.

Liam almost started giggling but managed to cover it up with a cough. Spike sauntered in, slamming his bag up on the desk. Then he kissed Liam roughly before taking a seat. There was a small giggle from the back of the classroom but he ignored it.

Liam glanced over at Spike. He seemed tired, drained, like whatever he’d spent Sunday at had been physically or emotionally exhausting. And suddenly Liam didn’t want to be there anymore. He’d never skipped class in his whole life but right this minute he wanted no more than to beg Spike to come with him, leave this dreary place and go out into the sun, just the two of them. He reached over to take Spike’s hand but as he touched the wrist Spike flinched and drew it back, pulling the sleeve down. But the small glimpse of bruised skin was enough to make Liam’s heart jump.

.”Spike?” But Spike only shook his head and before Liam had time to respond Mr. Dalton slammed a stack of papers down on his desk.

“Liam, distribute these, will you?” Liam looked up, small butterflies in his stomach. Get up and walk around the class? Feeling them stare, cheeks blushing and…

“He’s busy.” Spike didn’t even look up, just put his hand in Liam’s lap and let it stay there. Possessive. The teacher froze and opened his mouth, ready to protest but then Spike looked up at him, raising one eyebrow. Clenching his jaw, Mr. Dalton moved the stack over to the next desk.

“Andrew, I trust you’re available.” Both the boy and the teacher blushed as the classroom was filled with sniggers. “Be quiet!”

But the look Andrew gave Liam when he placed a sheet on his desk was anything but funny. Liam glanced at Spike but he didn’t seem to have noticed. Just as well, Liam thought, he somehow had a feeling a jealous Spike was not to be trifled with.

\--------------------

“So… you want to come over to my place? We could watch a movie. Or not.” Liam smiled in what he hoped was a seducing manner. He’d practised in front of the mirror last night but judging by Spike’s laughter he looked more geeky than sexy.

“Or not sounds great.” Spike kissed Liam’s pouting lips. “You sure your parents don’t mind?”

“Mind? I think mom wants to adopt you. Soon you’ll be her favourite and I’ll just be ‘the other son’.” Liam smiled but then he looked at Spike and his face fell. “Sorry, I was just joking. I mean, she really likes you and I like you and we would all love to have you all the time. But you have your own family and… Spike?”

Spike shook his head and looked up at him. “Nothing, pet. I like your family very much too. You are very lucky.”

Liam nodded. “I’m beginning to think I am. Spike, is there something wrong?”

“No. I told you, nothing’s wrong.” Spike smiled and pulled him down for a kiss. “How can anything be wrong when I have you?” Liam smiled back but he didn’t want to let it go. Not gonna be a wimp.

“You know you can trust me, right? With anything.” He thought he saw a flicker of pain in Spike’s eyes but it went away too quickly. They had reached the bike and Spike unlocked it before handing Liam his helmet, then kissing him hard on the lips.

“I know, pet. I know. Now hop on.”

Liam wanted to object but Spike had already put his helmet on and was sitting on the bike, waiting for him patiently. With a sigh Liam fastened his own helmet before straddling the bike and wrapping his arms tight around Spike’s waist. He would get Spike to talk to him when they got home.

\-----------

“Spike, are you sure there is nothing… mmmmmm...”

“Spike, you would tell me if… stop tickling me! Oh, you’re gonna pay for that!”

“Spike, I just wanted to ask you about… oh God… Spike… oh wow… that’s so good… Are you sure the door is locked?”

\-----------------

As he watched Spike’s bike disappear into the dark Liam suddenly realised he never got around to asking Spike about his bruises. Somehow he’d just never found the right time. Tomorrow. He would ask him tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I should add extra warnings for this one, mostly for angst reasons, but I'm guessing if you really like this story you won't skip this chapter whatever it contains. Thanks to [](http://bunnyohare.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://bunnyohare.livejournal.com/)**bunnyohare** for taking a look because I was worried Spike's story might be too long.
> 
> Anyway, angst alert and I hope it meets your expectations.

Liam leaned back, eyes closed in intense pleasure. He’d never known anything could feel so good. Like mixing together the sensations of eating ice cream, watching a picture come alive by his pencil, listening to Fauré’s Requiem and smelling new cut grass. Only multiplied like 5000 times. Ecstasy. Heaven. Spike.

All week it had been like this. Every second alone was spent kissing and licking and touching, touching, touching. Everywhere. Sometimes Spike didn’t even care if they weren’t alone. Like yesterday…

They had been in the showers after gym and Liam had been glancing nervously at the slowly fading marks on Spike’s back and wrists. Today. Today he would ask Spike right out and not stop until he gave him some answers. Then Spike looked up and caught him at it. His face went blank for a moment and Liam’s heart fell. He wanted to apologise, he shouldn’t have stared like that. He opened his mouth to stutter out something stupid but then Spike strode over, butt naked, cock bouncing against his thighs and suddenly they were kissing and touching and…

Somewhere in the back of his mind Liam remembered that they hadn’t been alone. There were voices and giggling and ‘eeww’ but the blood was pumping so fast in his veins, making his ears block out every sound except his own moans and the water pouring over them.

When Spike pulled back, what seemed like hours later, they were alone and Liam was so hard he thought he would burst. “Spike, we can’t…”

“Of course we can. Watch me.” Spike dropped to his knees and Liam thought he would pass out from sheer pleasure as Spike worked him with his tongue. Ecstasy. Total ecstasy.

He did miss their talks though. They didn’t seem to talk at all lately. Every time he tried raising the subject of Spike’s injuries he got Spike’s tongue down his throat. And even if he only meant to ask about something trivial he got the same treatment. He was beginning to suspect this wasn’t just about Spike being obsessed with sex, but more about Spike being opposed to talking. And that only made him feel worse about being such a coward.

Thing was he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to stay in this little bubble of happiness, where the only bad thing was not having Spike with him all night. And not just because of all the kisses and touching, although he had to admit he was getting pretty obsessed with that himself. But above all he wanted to have Spike. Just have him. Right here in his arms, smiling, laughing, teasing. Belonging.

Afterwards he lay awake, watching Spike sleeping. Spike slept a lot. He always seemed tired, once even falling asleep while Liam was kissing him as they cuddled on the bed. There had been a gentle sigh and when Liam looked up Spike was lying still, breathing softly, a relaxed smile on his lips. He was so beautiful Liam wanted to cry.

Liam had drawn so many pictures of Spike and still he always found something new to capture. A look, a smile, the play of shadows and light over his naked body as he slept. So incredibly beautiful. In sleep he seemed transformed. He looked younger, softer, more vulnerable. It was strange because Spike always seemed so strong, like nothing could break him and still, in his sleep, he looked so fragile.

“See something you like?”

Liam woke up from his thoughts to find Spike awake and watching him, grinning. He smiled back. “You know I do. Something I like very much.”

“Yeah?” The grin turned into a soft smile. “You like this?” Spike raised himself up on his arms and leaned over Liam, licking his lips.

“Yes. Very much.” His breath hitched as Spike lowered his head and nibbled his collarbone gently. “Very, very much.”

“I see. How about this then?” The wicked mouth moved down until it reached one of Liam’s nipples. The tongue flicked it, then the lips descended and the small nub was sucked into the heat.

“God, yes.” Liam was panting, his hands fisting the sheet underneath him. “That too.”

“Hmm.” Spike moved over to the other nipple, chuckling when Liam gasped. “Tender tits you’ve got there, luv.”

“Ti-hi-ts?” Was he fat? Did he have boobs? Liam blinked but Spike only snorted, like he could read Liam’s thoughts.

“Those little nubs. I just love nibbling them. Could bite them right of if I wasn’t careful.” Spike tugged on the right one a little harder to prove his point. “But still they’re not as sensitive as your belly.” He licked a trail all the way down to Liam’s navel, smiling as Liam shivered with delight. “And even that is nothing compared to…” He licked all the way down to Liam’s left hipbone then continued until he was nuzzling into the dark nest of curls.

Liam couldn’t keep still. His hips rose from the mattress and his fingers tangled into Spike’s hair, pushing him to the side until his smirking lips hovered above Liam’s cock where it strained to meet them. “Please, Spike. Please.”

“You want this?” Spike’s tongue flickered and just barely touched the head.

“Yessss.”

“You need this?” Spike let his lips capture the tip for a second, the hot air making it pulsate.

“Please, Spike, please!”

“Tell me how much you want me.” Spike licked the shaft. “Tell me how much you need me.” Lick, lick, lick.  
  
“I want you so much I’m shaking. I need you so much I can’t breathe when you’re not here. I love you so much I…”

The words died in Liam’s mouth as Spike sat up abruptly and turned his back on him, head bowed. “Spike? Sorry. It’s too soon, right? I shouldn’t have…”

“Did you mean it?” The voice sounded so unlike Spike that for a moment Liam wasn’t sure if he had spoken or if it was all in his imagination.

“Yes. But I know I shouldn’t have said it. We’ve only been together a little over two weeks and I know I’m naive and stupid and don’t know anything about what I’m doing but it just feels so… right. To say it, I mean. But I don’t expect you to say it or, you know, feel it. It just came out and…”

Spike stood up and walked to the window, shoulders tense. “You don’t even know me. You know nothing about me.”

Liam stared at him confusion. “That’s because you won’t tell me anything. But it doesn’t matter. I know enough to know I love you.”

Spike turned around and stared at him then grabbed his jeans and pulled them on with shaking hands. “You know **nothing** about me!”

Liam couldn’t believe this. He leapt up and pulled on some boxers himself. “Then tell me! I want to know.”

“No.” Spike shook his head. “Trust me, you don’t.” He pulled the t-shirt over his head but when he reached for his coat Liam grabbed his arm.

“Spike, please. I know you didn’t fall off your bike.”

Spike froze, and Liam felt the familiar cold in his stomach. “What happened? Why didn’t you come to school the other week? Did someone hurt you?”

Spike looked away, biting his lip. “Leave me alone. Please.”

“No. I can’t.” How could he get Spike to trust him? “I can’t do that, Spike. That’s not what you do when you love someone.”

“Stop saying that.” Spike’s voice sounded so small. “Please.”

“I can’t. Something is wrong and you have to tell me.” Spike shook his head but didn’t fight when Liam pulled the shirt up, revealing the fading bruises and welts on his lower back. “Who did this?”

He reached out but Spike flinched and pulled away, tugging his t-shirt back down. “It doesn’t matter. It was my fault anyway.”

“Your fault? Spike, nothing you did would make you deserve this.” Liam’s eyes widened. “Was it because of us? Because you slept over? That’s when it happened, wasn’t it? That morning when you went home before I woke up.” He stepped back, pale. “It’s my fault. Whoever did this, it was because of me, wasn’t it?”

“No!” Spike grabbed his hands and held them tight. “It’s not you. It’s me. It’s always been me.” He looked up at Liam, deep sadness in his eyes. “Do you understand? That’s why you can’t love me, you just think you do. But I can’t be loved, Liam.”

“How can you say that?” Liam was crying now but he didn’t care. “Everybody can be loved. And I love you.”

“You can’t… I’m not worthy of…” Spike stopped, his voice catching in his throat.

“Of course you are. You’re kind and strong and decent and…”

“No!” Spike pushed him away. “I killed my _mother_. That’s who I am, Liam. A murderer. ” His voice was shaking. “I killed her and I will go to hell for it. And for this.”

Liam stared at him. “Wha…? No! I can’t believe that. You could never do anything like that.”

“Believe it. It’s true. I killed her. When… when I was thirteen.” Spike had the look of a frightened bunny in his eyes. “I killed her, Liam. I killed my own mother. My-my mum.” He sank to the floor, tears streaming down his face. “I didn’t mean to. I loved her, loved her more than anything. And she loved me. She said she did.”

Liam kneeled down by him, fear gripping his heart. “Then how did you…?”

“She was so happy. My mum. The weather was nice and we were driving on the motorway and she was so happy so I thought… I thought now was as good time as any, you know? So I told her. I said, ‘Mum?’ And she looked at me and she was smiling. And I said I had to tell her something and I did. And she just stared at me in shock and I said ‘Mum?’ But she just stared and stared and that’s when I saw the truck pull up in front of us with all these planks sticking out from its rear. And I screamed ‘Look out! Mum!’ and she finally did and then she screamed and screamed and screamed right until the plank came through and cut her head off. Right off. Just right off. And there was bloodbloodblood everywhere and then … nothing. Just silence.”

Spike was rocking back and forth, the words pouring out in a childish voice and Liam thought he was going to be sick. “Spike, that was an accident. That wasn’t…”

“And then I woke up in the hospital, patch over my left eyebrow, right leg broken, and my dad was sitting by my bed, crying. And he kept saying he couldn’t understand how it could have happened. So I told him. And he stared at me and that’s when I knew. I knew I had killed her. It was all my fault. He walked out and he never spoke to me again. No one spoke to me, just stared and stared and on the anniversary of her death daddy hanged himself in the garage. Dangling, dangling. All because of me.”

“Oh God. Spike, no! It wasn’t your fault. Non of it was your fault.” Liam was holding him tight, the small body shaking violently in his arms.

“So no one wanted me. No one wanted the queer that killed his mother. They kept sending me from one aunt to another but they didn’t want me, didn’t like me. Didn’t want to hear me crying, didn’t want to listen to my nightmares. ‘Stop it!’ they’d say, ‘Shut up, be quiet.’ And I tried, I tried. Really I tried. I stopped talking, stopped crying. But then they said I was being difficult and off again to someone new. And he came into my room and ‘ Since you love dick so much.’ And I said I didn’t want to and he got mad and… it hurt, it hurt so much.”

Liam didn’t know when it had happened but his mother was kneeling with him, cradling Spike’s head against her chest. She was crying silently and whispering into his ear but Spike just kept on rambling, too far-gone to notice her.

“So I ran away. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore and then I fell asleep. And when I woke up someone was talking to me and touching me and I let them cos I just wanted to forget everything. It must have worked cos I don’t remember much except that they tasted horribly. And I was always sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. I didn’t like being awake. I had to earn my keep they said but I can’t remember getting much, just some pills. But I kept giving. Giving and giving all the time. I tried to leave once but the door was locked and then they beat me. And I didn’t get any pills for a long time.”

“William, sshh. It’s all right. Calm down.”

Her voice was shaking and Liam had never been so scared in his life. Spike was lost in his memories, his pain and Liam was afraid they would never get him out. He was holding Spike hard, forehead leaning on his sweaty back.

“When the police found me they said I‘d been missing almost a year. I thought it was longer. At least ten. And it started over again, no one wanted me and then finally I was sent over here to my dad’s brother. Uncle Marcus.” His trembling got worse. “Uncle Marcus showed me what I am. I should thank him. I should… They don’t like me but they almost never hurt me. And even after I got them kicked out of their church down south they didn’t turn me away. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted someone to love me and someone saw us. I don’t know what happened to him. But it was my fault. All my fault. But uncle Marcus keeps the sin away from me. I can not be saved but he makes sure I can’t hurt others.”

Spike suddenly looked up and turned to stare at Liam, panic in his eyes. “But now I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt you and you are my sin. God will strike you down. I tried telling him it was my fault. Always my fault but I’m not sure he listens. You have to repent. You have to…” He fell forward and vomited on the floor.

“Spike, he’s wrong. There’s nothing evil in you, there’s nothing you have done. Spike, please! Mom, tell him!” Liam was crying so hard he could hardly see anymore. His chest hurt but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered but Spike. His Spike.

The broken boy lay on the floor, shaking violently but he didn’t seem to hear a word they said. He just stared blankly into space and kept mumbling incoherently. Then he started chanting ‘Sorrysorrysorry’ over and over. He didn’t even notice when Liam’s parent stripped him out of his spoiled clothes and put him into bed. Finally he fell asleep, Liam holding him tight, the O’Connors sitting on the bed, watching over them.

\-----------------

When they got down to the kitchen she was too upset to even make tea. She just sat down at the kitchen table and hid her face in her hands. “Oh God. That poor boy. That poor abused boy. We have to do something. We have to…”

Her husband sat down beside her and put his arm around her trembling shoulders. “We’ll call his bastard of an uncle in the morning. We can’t let the boy deal with this now. But I’ll give those people a piece of my mind.” His voice shook. “Do you have an address?”

“No, there was none. Just a P.O box and a phone number. Oh God. That poor boy.”

\--------------

The next morning when they woke up, Spike was gone. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must warn you, I have no medical training so I'm guessing most what I say here is crap and bs but this is what I wanted to happen so there.

Liam had never believed a weekend could go by so slowly. Every minute seemed like an hour and he kept tapping his watch to make sure it was still ticking. It didn’t help that his parents were so terrible at hiding their anxiety.

Their search had not accomplished anything yet. Children and Families said they would look into it but they didn’t seem too interested, after all they didn’t have anything except suspicion about Spike’s guardians. The lady had nodded a lot but she didn’t seem to think ‘a few bruises’ were any evidence for abuse. After all ‘seventeen year old boys get into scrapes all the time’. When they told her about their suspicion of emotional abuse, or what Liam’s father called ‘religious bullying’ she had stiffened and Liam saw her unconsciously touch a cross that was hanging around her neck. He wanted to yell at her that this was not about her or her beliefs, this was about Spike being brainwashed by a religious fanatic and she had to get him out of there NOW!

In the car on the way home he had cried silently as he stared at the houses they passed. Was Spike in there? Was he alone and scared? Was that monster of an uncle beating him? It all seemed so hopeless and he felt like the most useless person on earth. He had totally let Spike down and he didn’t know how to fix it. If he ever saw him again. Because in the back of his mind he had this feeling he wouldn’t.

Liam didn’t know at what time Spike had left their house but it was probably late enough that his uncle would not be pleased. And just thinking of what that bastard could be doing to his boyfriend made him want to scream.

Monday morning he was pale and stressed out. His mum wanted to come with him to school, but he convinced her to wait. He didn’t want to scare Spike off if he showed up.

He didn’t.

The day went pass and Liam’s fear grew with each minute, each hour. The school didn’t even have the Winters address. Principal Wood seemed to find their worries quite inappropriate, noting that Mr. Winters should be commended for taking care of his young cousin who so far had proved nothing but trouble or so he’d heard. His assistant was slightly more helpful. She remembered Spike’s uncle with a giggle as looking just like ‘one of those from those military movies, you know?’ Even had an eagle tattooed on his forearm which for some reason she found very sexy. His wife had been mousy and dull and ‘he could have done so much better’. Then she smiled at Liam’s dad, making his wife grit her teeth.

City register said the address was unlisted and as such not to be revealed without a court order. Calls to the Children and Families department got no other answer than ‘Thank you for your concern, the matter is being looked into’ which seemed to mean their notification was lying in a pile on someone’s desk. Someone who was probably on holiday, Liam thought as he crawled exhausted into bed and screamed into his pillow.

\----------------------

There wasn’t any part of his body that wasn’t hurting. The beating had been vicious, even worse than that time he and Wes got caught. Then it had taken many weeks before he could be seen out in public, and the experience had frightened him enough to keep him on the straight and narrow road for a long time, reducing his punishments to food and light, or more precisely, the lack there of. He had been doing good, almost convincing himself he could do this, he could be ‘normal’. Until they moved here and he saw Liam for the first time.

He had tried. He had tried so hard ignoring him, ignoring all the feelings that boy stirred up in him, but in the end he had to give up. Having to sit so close to him in class, watching him move, hearing him talk, always so unsure, the way he got lost in his thoughts while his hand unconsciously made pictures come alive on whatever piece of paper was in front of him. His shyness, his dorky but adorable smile, the way he kept glancing at Spike when he thought he wasn’t looking. He’d found himself following Liam home after school, then hiding behind a tree, looking up at the house and guessing which window led to Liam’s room. Then fantasised about what he could be doing in that room. It all proved too much and although he knew he was setting himself up for misery and damnation, he had waited for Liam after gym that day. There was no turning back after that.

God, he loved that boy. Loved him more than anything and still he had done this to him, brought the sin into his home. Made him a sin. His sin.

They were going to move again. He’d heard his aunt and uncle shout about it and he’d wept as he stared into the dark. He’d been careless; his uncle had been waiting for him when he got home and as he fell to the floor from the blow the keys to the shed had fallen out of his pocket. His uncle had beaten him until Spike showed him where the shed was. Uncle Marcus took one look inside, then closed the door and brought out his matches. They stood together, watching all that was 'Spike' burn, his clothes, his bike, his freedom. Then he’d been hauled home and since then there had been nothing but pain and darkness and hunger.

But that was nothing compared to the pain he felt inside his heart. It didn’t matter that they were leaving because he knew he had lost Liam anyway. Why the hell couldn’t he have kept his mouth shut? Even if uncle Marcus hadn’t caught him he knew it was over. Because now Liam knew who he was. The play was over, the curtains closed and he’d had to hand in his costume. Spike the punk had been revealed as William the queer who killed his mother. Liam had seen what lay behind the mask and it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t good or decent or strong. It was just him. And he was nothing.

Spike thought he could hear God laugh in the dark. He sounded remarkably like uncle Marcus.

\------------

By Thursday Liam had lost hope. Spike’s guardians had moved once before to ‘save’ him from a boy, or more likely save themselves from embarrassment, and who was to say they wouldn’t do it again? And then Liam would never find him.

He didn’t want to go to school; he didn’t even want to get out of bed. He wanted to stay under the covers, hugging Spike’s pillow and cry until sleep relieved him from the cruelty of reality. But his mother wouldn’t hear of it. She finally convinced him that he had to go there in case there was any news from Spike. He might even show up. Liam had no hope for that but still he went to school. Just in case.

His classmates had mostly ignored him, not found any fun in teasing someone that didn’t even seem to notice. The threat of Spike suddenly showing up probably played a big part too. So he just sat there, trying to keep the big ball of guilt from exploding in his stomach, frantically looking up every time someone entered the room. The teachers seemed worried, probably because Liam’s mother had been questioning them over and over. Ms. Brewer kept watching him and he wanted to scream at her to stop staring at the freak.

“So, your boyfriend left you, Liam. Guess he wanted something new. Someone who isn’t a loser.”

Liam didn’t look up but he could feel the anger boiling inside him. Riley moved up in front of his desk, his confidence growing. Behind him the whole class was listening.

“Poor Liam, all heartbroken. Did he say he lurved you to get your ass? Or did you say you loved him and he ran the hell away from you?”

That stung. But that wasn’t what had happened. Not really.

“I heard he was kicked out of his old school for fucking around.”

Now that was such a bad lie Liam couldn’t help snorting. Riley didn’t know anything about Spike or his past. After all, neither had Liam until a few days ago. Riley must have taken his reaction the wrong way because he smiled smugly. In the room a few nervous sniggers could be heard.

“Yeah, that’s right. He’d go down on his knees for anyone, your little Spike. Bet he sold his ass for that coat, the damn whore.”

That was it. Liam sprung up, fists clenched. “You know nothing about him. Keep your mouth shut about things you don’t understand, Riley.”

“Whoa! Touch a nerve, did I?” Riley was still smiling but he wasn’t quite as confident. He wasn’t used to his victims actually standing up to him and Liam stretched to his full height in anger was not something he’d been prepared for.

“Just shut up and leave me alone. You’re a damn bully, Riley, and we all know what this is about.”

“Is that right?” Riley sneered.

“Yeah. Go find yourself your own boyfriend to fuck because you’re sure as hell not getting mine.”

Riley stared at him in shock. Then the whole class started laughing and he blushed, seething with rage.

“What the hell are you saying?” He practically hissed the words and Liam had to fight to stand still.

“I’m saying you can’t have him. He’s mine and he’d never look twice at such a lame ass loser as you.” Stay strong. Don’t back down.

“You fucking fag…”

“You wish! But I’d never look twice at you either. So piss the fuck off!”

Liam was trembling, his heart beating so fast he was sure it would stop any moment. He wanted to run and hide but he could almost hear Spike laughing in delight. ‘That will show ‘em, pet. ‘Piss the fuck off.’ That was just… brilliant.’

He was fed up with years of being bullied by these kids who didn’t seem to care about anything except themselves. Well, they could bully him but they sure as hell weren’t allowed to harass Spike. Not his Spike. Not when he wasn’t even here to defend himself because he was probably locked up somewhere, being beaten with a bloody stick and Liam wasn’t there to…

He suddenly started heaving for breath, grabbing in his pocket for his pills. Not now, not fucking now. Through a haze he saw Riley’s face change from angry to frightened and as he fell down to his knees, the pain and lack of oxygen making big black spots dance in front of his eyes, someone was shouting for help. Some big hero I am, he thought. Then everything went black.

\------

Spike woke up from a confusing dream about Liam and his mum, weeping over what he assumed was his own dead body. It had been oddly comforting. He opened his eyes to nothing.

The darkness and silence had at first terrified him but by now he couldn’t care enough to wonder what it meant. Most of the time he wasn’t really here. He was outside in the sun, kissing Liam. And Liam was laughing and they were eating cookies and Liam’s mum was bringing them tea. He felt warm and happy.

Then something would wake him up, a rat scurrying over his lap or the increased smell telling him he’d been a bad boy again. Uncle Marcus was gonna flog him. If he ever came down again.

The house had gone silent a few days ago. Then yesterday, or was it the day before, there was noise above, people walking around in their boots. Uncle Marcus wouldn’t like that. Voices seeped through the closed door but they never came closer and he made sure to keep quiet, just like he’d been taught. Then they went away again and the house became silent.

He didn’t really feel hunger anymore, it had long ago been replaced by the soothing feeling of unreality. The cold slowly turned into numbness and the fear into dreams. He had this wage idea in the back of his mind that he was probably dying but it didn’t really matter. He liked sleeping and dreaming and the time would come when he wouldn’t need to wake up. He smiled before drifting off again.

Above him a door opened and a women started to cry.

\----------------

Liam gained consciousness as he was being wheeled toward the ambulance. Someone was holding his hand and for a second he thought it was Spike until he saw the worried face of Ms. Brewer looming above him.

“Sshh, it’s all right Liam. We’re taking you to the hospital and your parents are on their way there.”

He only managed to blink, surprised by her kindness. She hadn’t exactly been concerned about… well, anything before. When he was lifted aboard she scrambled in after him and sat down by his side.

“Always wanted to tell you boys, I’m so proud of you. Wish I had your guts.”

Liam just stared at her as she patted his hand and blushed. Then his eyes closed again and the sound of the siren disappeared into a fog.

\--------

“…and he hasn’t complained about pain or dizziness lately?”

“No, but…” She looked over at her son, covered in tubes, nurses all around him. “He hasn’t been well. Emotionally.”

The doctor shook his head. “It’s not that simple. There seems to be more damage. I can only assume that he’s been having small episodes without telling you.”

“But he wouldn’t…” But in her heart she knew he would. That sweet stupid boy.

“He’ll need a transplant. I’m sorry, but his own heart won’t be able to function much longer.”

She blinked. “Transplant? But… you always said he couldn’t, his immune system would… and besides he’s such a rare blood type.” Her voice caught in her throat. “Do you even have a heart for him?”

The doctor seemed to hesitate, then looked around before taking her aside. “I shouldn’t be telling you this but we might. Problem is, we haven’t been able to locate his next of kin. And without their permission we can’t make the decision to… terminate his life.”

She stared at him in shock. “He’s dying?”

“Yes. His brain is too damaged to function. We are however obliged to keep him alive since we don’t have permission to ‘pull the plug’ so to speak. Not unless we have permission from his next of kin.”

She felt dizzy. So close and yet so far away. “Can I see him?”

“Mrs O’Connor, you know I shouldn’t even be telling you this and believe me, you don’t want to see him.”

She looked up at him, pleading. “He might save my boy.”

“And he might not.” He smiled sadly. “Besides, he wouldn’t even know you were there.”

“Please. I just want to… I don’t know, I just need to. Is it forbidden? Are there rules that say that I can’t?”

“No. There are no rules. Anyone is free to visit patients here.” The doctor sighed. “Come on. I’ll take you to him.”

As they walked along the corridors her heart was beating fast and she thought she might throw up. Her boy might die. Just like his sister. She wasn’t sure she could survive that loss.

“He’s in there. But you’ve been warned. It’s not a pretty sight.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “I’ll be all right. Thank you.”

He didn’t even make it to the door before her gasps of horror made him turn around. She was staring at the wretched body lying in the white bed. “What did you say his name was again?”

“Winters. Do you know him?”


	17. Chapter 17

White. Everything was so white. He looked around in a daze. White walls, white ceiling, white people in white robes. Someone was holding his hand and he tried to squeeze back but it was too hard. Sleepy he closed his eyes again.

\-------

Dark. So dark. Through the buzzing in his head he heard someone calling his name. He tried to cry ‘mummy’ but all that came out was a croak. Suddenly the world became bright and he squeezed his eyes shut against the intrusion. Noise and voices and someone was crying. Too tired to figure out what was going on he disappeared back into his dreams.

\------

Mrs O’Connor stood up as the doctor approached, gripping her husband’s hand for support.

“How is he?”

“Very weak. One more day and it would probably have been too late. I still can’t believe… You know, we get quite a few abuse cases but…” The doctor shook his head.

“But he will be all right?” She begged him with her eyes.

“Physically, yes. But…” He hesitated. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him. We’ll call in psych when he’s ready. Hopefully…” He rubbed his eyes. “We’ll have to wait and see. Give him a couple of hours and he should be waking up.”

“Thank you.” She grabbed his hand unable to hold back the tears any longer.

“No, thank _you_. If you hadn’t… weird coincidence, huh?”

“Maybe.” She smiled. “Or maybe Fortune finally decided to smile down on him.”

“Maybe.” The doctor smiled and gave them a nod, leaving them to deal with their emotions.

“We should go tell Liam. If he’s awake.” She bit her lip. Liam had never been this sick before. The possibility of what could happen petrified her. They walked hand in hand along the corridor, both of them deep in thoughts. When they reached the door to Liam’s room her husband suddenly stopped.

“Sweetie, have you thought of something? Spike is Mr. Winters’ next of kin.”

“Next of… oh.” They looked at each other and suddenly the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders. “Of course we can’t assume… it must be his choice. Maybe he can’t handle…”

“Or maybe that bastard’s heart will finally have some use.” They held each other tight for a long time before letting go and stepping inside their son’s room.

\----------

“Liam? Honey? Wake up. I have to tell you…”

His mother’s voice made him frown and he tried to block it out. He didn’t want to wake up. He was in the middle of this beautiful dream about…

“…Spike. He’s all right. Please, Liam.”

How did she know? Was she in his dream? He’d been walking along the familiar dark corridor but this time he’d been able to rush over and push the man away from Spike. Then he was holding him in his arms and they were kissing and then they’d suddenly been in…

“… bed. Look! Liam, please. You have to wake up.”

What? Look where? Confused he opened his eyes, struggling to focus through the slits of his heavy drugged eyelids. “Mom?”

“Yes, sweetie. We found him.”

“Spike?”

“He’s right there. Look!”

Liam turned his head slowly. There was a bed next to his. At first all he saw was a tuft of white hair. Then his vision came into focus and a sob escaped his lips. Spike. They found Spike. But… “Wha... what’s wrong… with…”

“He’ll be all right. Don’t you worry. We had him moved in here so you can be together. He’ll be all right. I promise.” Was she crying? He tried to turn his head back to look at her but his head was too heavy. Better just keep his eyes on Spike.

“How did…?” God, he was so tired. He tried to reach out to the beaten body in the other bed but he only managed to move his fingers weakly before his mind started to zone out again. He heard his mother say something about a car crash and a tattoo but he was too far-gone to make sense of it. He wanted to stay awake, wanted to be there for Spike when he woke up but he was just so tired. So very, very tired…

\--------------

Spike had decided to stay in the dreams. It was a good decision, he thought. One he’d made himself without others bossing him around. He’d been rather pleased about that. So he didn’t really appreciate someone trying to take that decision from him. Like that voice that kept telling him to wake up or that hand clutching his or that sweet smell of home that tickled his nose every now and then. It really wasn’t fair, trying to trick him into reality with such obvious deceptions. He wanted to tell them to leave him alone but to do that he had to wake up and he really didn’t want to.

Bugger it.

“I…” He coughed. “’M sleepin’. Go awa’.”

“Oh thank heaven. You had me so scared, William. I thought you were never going to wake up.”

“No’ awa…k. Dreamin’.”

Her laughter sounded like tiny bells. He risked opening one eye. The bright light hit him like a lightning and he flinched. “Where the… bloody hell… am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. It’s all over now. You’re safe.”

He frowned. Then he suddenly remembered and panicked. “I have to… he’ll…”

“No, he won’t. William, I have to tell you something.”

He listened as she told him what had happened the last few days. So they hadn’t just decided to abandon him. He didn’t really know how he felt about that. His aunt was dead, her funeral already taken care of by their church. And uncle Marcus was… here? In this hospital? His heart started to race again and he felt his stomach twist and turn. He would come and get him. He would come and…

“William, he can’t do anything to you. The accident left him totally… he is not going to survive. The doctor needs to talk to you about that, all right?”

He nodded in a daze. Uncle Marcus was dying? That was… His heart twisted. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He should be mourning, should be full of grief for the man that had taken care of him for the last year. But instead the fear that had been holding him hostage for so long was lifting, making him feel lighter and happier than he had in a long time. He truly was evil. No wonder Liam wasn’t here. As she kissed him and moved to the other side of the curtain Spike wondered vaguely what would happen to him now.

The doctor was sympathetic but blunt. His uncle had no hope of surviving and they needed his permission to take him off life support. Spike stared at him. How many times had he hoped those first months of his stay that his uncle would die, he’d even wanted to kill him himself. But then he had slowly started to see what a good man Uncle Marcus was, taking care of him, teaching him, keeping him safe. For so long now he’d inadvertently thought of Uncle Marcus as his mentor, his protector, his master. And now…

Now, they were asking him to kill him. To practically kill his God. “I can’t…”

“I know this is hard but he will never gain consciousness. It’s no kind of life. He’ll be alive but he won’t be here. I don’t want to force your hand but no one would want to live like that.”

Spike closed his eyes. Kill God. Could he do that? In his mind he saw Liam watching him, a disgusted look on his face. There was no redemption for him anyway, not after all that he had done. Spike opened his eyes and nodded. “All right. I’ll do it.” The ghost of Liam turned and walked away.

“There is something else.”

Spike wasn’t really listening when the doc went on about rare blood types and organ donors. He was too tired and too filled with grief for what he would never have. He looked up confused when the voice stopped. The doctor was looking at him expectantly. “Sorry?”

“I asked if you would object to your uncle being registered as a donor. You do understand what that means?”

“Donor? Yes, I…” He stopped. Did he? Did he really?

“No one is saying you have to. But as I said, some people feel it gives the death more meaning. Like, in a way, their loved ones live on by helping others stay alive.”

Spike fought back the urge to yell that he didn’t want his uncle to live on in any form. He knew it was irrational; things didn’t really work that way. Then it hit him that by killing his uncle he could be saving others. He wondered if God was keeping score. Well, his uncle had prided himself of being a servant of God. And what better way to serve Him than to give his life for others? The thought made him want to giggle although he wasn’t sure why.

“I won’t… object. I hope… I hope they’re nice people.”

“I’m sure they are.” The doctor smiled. He handed him the papers on a clipboard and clutching the pen in his weak fingers Spike scribbled his name. Then he lay back and closed his eyes. So tired. So very, very tired.

\------------

The doctor nodded to Liam’s parents as he stepped from behind the curtain. Mrs. O’Connor sat down heavily on a chair. It was really happening. She looked at her son, so pale upon the pillow. What if Spike had said no? Would she have walked over there and told him who it was for? It had been so tempting but she knew it wouldn’t have been right, forcing him to make a decision based on his love for Liam rather than his own beliefs. But if he had said no…

Watching her only surviving child sleeping, she knew she would have done anything to save him, ethics be damned. Thankfully she’d been spared that decision.

She stood up and walked over to the other bed, drawing the curtains aside so there would be nothing separating them. It seemed that she now had two boys. Reaching out she stroke Spike’s battered face, breath hitching when he sighed in his sleep and leaned into her touch. She just hoped she could be what he needed. Knowing all that had happened to the poor boy she felt inadequate but that wouldn’t stop her from trying. Because there would be a cold day in Hell before she’d let anyone else get their hands on him.

\---------------

Things suddenly happened very fast. Doctors came with papers to be signed, nurses to check Liam’s blood pressure and temperature. Then before they had time to think he was being wheeled away, leaving his parents to wait and worry. They sat up camp in the small room, with coffee and donuts and magazines about people that looked too healthy. She kept going over to Spike’s bed, smoothing his covers, stroking away that stray lock of hair that refused to stay put. He seemed to have fallen once again into deep sleep, like he was deliberately staying away from the real world. Well, she couldn’t really blame him. With a sigh she walked over to her husband and sat down, listlessly biting into a frosted donut. She really wished she could make some tea.

\-----------------

Nonononono… someone was coming. There were heavy steps and the air shivered. Spike covered in the corner trying to make himself as small as possible. He could feel someone looming over him but it was too dark to see. Biting his hand to muffle the sound he started crying.

“Spike?” The voice sounded worried. It sounded like…

“Liam?” He wiped the tears from his face. “Where are you? It’s too dark. I can’t see you.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s so bright.” Liam sounded filled with wonder. “Can’t you see it? I think it might be heaven.”

“What? Where?” Spike looked around in panic but he could see nothing except the dark.

“There. Look! I think… I want to go there.” Liam seemed so happy that Spike felt his heart skip.

“No! Don’t leave me!” He swung his arms around, trying to get hold of Liam. He sounded so close and yet he couldn’t find him. “Please, luv. Don’t go.”

“You could come with me. We could go together.” Liam laughed. “Look, I can see Kate. She’s waving.”

Terrified Spike crawled in the dark, hands stretched out. “I can’t see anything. Please, Liam. It’s too dark.” Giving up he fell forward, sobbing into the cold earth.

“But I should… she’s waiting. And it’s so beautiful.” Liam sounded mesmerised and Spike stared into the darkness. He swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes.

“Then you should go. It’s all right. Go, luv. Don’t keep her waiting.”

“But…aren’t you coming with me?”

Spike bit back his tears. “No, but it’s all right. You go. I just want you to be happy.”

The dark filled with silence and Spike felt himself falling deeper and deeper into despair. Now he was truly alone.

Suddenly a warm hand grabbed his. “I can’t be happy without you, Spike. You know that, silly. I love you.” Spike opened his eyes. Liam was sitting next to him in a spot of light, smiling.

And the whole world became warm and bright.

\--------------

The doctor took a deep breath before opening the door. The boy’s parents immediately stood up and gazed at him, eyes filled with hope and fear.

“He’s all right. Your boy is going to be fine.” He smiled and nodded as they tearfully thanked him, wondering if he should tell them how close they had come to losing their son. Well, not now at least. Why spoil their moment?

“He should wake up in a couple of hours. We’ll wheel him down when we’re sure he’s stable. And how’s our other boy doing?”

Mrs. O’Connor’s face fell. “He hasn’t woken up since you left him.” She looked over at the tear-streaked face. “Just... cried a little. Are you sure he’s going to be all right?”

“Quite sure. He just needs some rest and nourishment and he’ll be right as rain.” She gave him a look and he blushed. “Well, you know what I mean.” He nodded his farewell and left them, wondering if he could catch a little shut eye. Or at least find some decent coffee.

\--------------

Spike blinked and opened his eyes. He felt so relaxed, content to lie here forever. He’d had the most wonderful dream and it had made him forget for just a moment that Liam wasn’t really there, that his whole world had fallen apart and he was alone once again. He smiled sadly. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, wasn’t that what they said? But why did it hurt so much then?

There was a window by his bed and as he gazed out at the blue sky some birds flew by. Free. Just like him. His breath hitched. Freedom seemed very lonely.

“William?”

The voice startled him and he turned his head, for the first time taking in the room he was in. It was a small room, with pale walls and bright lightning. And over there was a bed and…

“Liam?” He sat up abruptly, gripping the side rail as his head started spinning. “Is he all right?”

Liam’s mum pulled him into her arms and squeezed him until he thought he might just stop breathing. When she released him there were tears in her eyes and she was laughing happily. “Oh, thank God. You’ve been asleep for almost 24 hours. Stop scaring me like that!”

“Sorry.” He blinked. “I guess I was tired. Is he all right?”

“He’ll be fine. He had to have a little operation but he’ll be fine.” She was still smiling but he could see she was worried.

“Was it… was it because of me?” Had he put him in danger again somehow? Had Uncle Marcus…?

“Oh God no, William. You have to stop taking the blame for everything that happens. His heart was weak, you know that. But now he has a new one.” She gazed at him lovingly.

He stared at her. “I’d say that was a bit more than ‘a little operation’. He has a new heart?” He looked over at his boy sleeping in the other bed. “I hope it’s as good as the old one.”

She smiled and patted his hand. “I’m sure it is.”

He lay back, sudden nausea making bile rise in his throat, but he kept his eyes on Liam. He’d been so sure he would never see him again. Not after…

Frightened, he looked up at her. “Mrs. O’Connor, the other night…” Spike stopped. He had no idea what day it was. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” He turned to look at Liam again, his stomach tightening into a hard knot. “I’ll stay away from him. You don’t have to worry about…”

She shook her head. “William, you’re coming home with us. When you’re better, I mean. And about what happened to you…” She looked away and wiped her eyes before continuing. “It must have been such a horrible experience, loosing your whole family like that. And the rest… my sweet boy, I wish I could make it all go away but I can’t. But none of it, not one single thing, was your fault. You have to believe that, William. And we don’t love you any less, please don’t think that.”

He stared at her. With them? He was coming home with them? He didn’t really take in the rest, he was too overwhelmed to be able to grasp her words. His whole face crumbled and once again she was holding him, rocking him gently back and forth as he cried in her arms. He knew he wasn’t worthy of such kindness and he swore to himself he would try to earn their love. Whatever it took

\-----------

Liam woke up shortly after but he was too groggy to stay awake longer than just a few minutes. Spike lay quiet, listening to Liam’s parents coo over their son, marvelling at the promise of being a part of that family. When the O’Connor’s left half an hour later to get something to eat he stayed still, listening to Liam breathe for some time before sitting up and getting out of bed.

The whole room started spinning and he fell to his knees. He had to take deep breaths to keep from passing out or vomiting and after a few failed attempts to walk he crawled over to Liam’s bed and with much difficulty pulled himself up. There he was, his angel. Spike sat down heavily on one of the chairs and reached out to stroke Liam’s face with trembling fingers. He’d brought this innocent boy so much hurt, how was he ever going to make up for that?

Liam sighed and Spike pulled back his hand. What if Liam didn’t want him after what had happened? Whatever Liam’s mum said Spike was sure he’d become sick because of his stupid breakdown. Spike had frightened him, told him all the disgusting truths about himself. And then Liam had gotten so sick he needed a new heart. That was no coincidence, he was sure. Spike closed his eyes in guilt. He had done this to him. Almost killed another one he loved. He was dangerous, just like Uncle Marcus said. And evil.

Liam deserved so much better than that. He deserved someone good and decent who would take care of him and make sure he never ever got sick or hurt again. The best thing Spike could do was to get the hell away from here. If he wasn’t so bloody weak…

“Spike.”

Spike’s eyes snapped open. Liam was watching him blearily. “Is that you?”

“Yeah pet, it’s me.” Spike smiled sadly. “How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy. You were gone.” Liam frowned, like he was trying to remember. “I told Riley he couldn’t have your ass cos it’s mine.” He nodded smugly.

Spike couldn’t help laughing. “I think you’re a bit confused, luv. You have about a ton of drugs in you.”

“I’d rather have you in me. Will you?” Liam gave him a doped up smile. “Be in me? Cos you’re my boyfriend and I love you.”

Spike reached for Liam’s hand and kissed the palm. “I love you too, Liam. But I think you’re a bit too sick for sex.”

“Ok.” Liam pouted then smiled again. “Never too sick for a blowjob. You said so.”

“I did?” Spike shook his head in amusement. “Sorry, pet. Not feeling to great myself. But once we both get better…”

“That’s ok. We have time. Cos you’re my boyfriend forever and ever.” Liam smiled happily.

Spike squeezed his hand and swallowed. “Yeah, I am.”

“And you’re never leaving again cos it makes me sad.” Liam gave him his best puppy eyes look, but he couldn’t keep it for long and started giggling. “And my hand gets tired.”

Spike laughed. “Your hand gets tired? Are you trying to tell me something?”

“Yep. I draw all day and when I get to bed I think of you and my hand gets veeeeery tired.” Liam managed to lift his arm a few inches then dropped it back down. He looked up at Spike and grinned. “See?”

“Now we can’t have that, can we?” Spike leaned forward and stroke Liam’s cheek. “I want your hand all nice and rested so you can draw more pictures.”

“Naked pictures. Of you. Mom says you’re pretty.” Liam’s eyes closed and he yawned. “I’m so glad you’re back. No more bad dreams.” He smiled to himself. “I rescued you and then you told me to go to Kate but I stayed with you. Cos I love you more than anything.” His breathing got heavier and his face slowly went slack.

Spike stared at him. He remembered that dream, about Kate and the light. He swallowed. After watching the sleeping boy for a long time he tried drawing his hand back but Liam suddenly squeezed it and mumbled, “Snuggle. Wanna snuggle.”

Spike smiled. Slowly he stood up on shaky legs and moved over to lie down beside Liam. Ignoring the pain in his limbs he carefully put his arm around Liam’s waist. Within moments he was out like a light and for the first time in years he slept the sleep of the innocent.

~fin~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I lied. I'm gonna do an epilogue. But only because in 17 chapters they haven't had sex once! I can't leave Liam still a virgin! That is just... wrong!
> 
> And yeah, I know this reads a bit like a soap opera and I'm sure donor decisions and other things are not done like that. Or maybe they are, I have no idea. Bottom line is, I wrote what I wanted to happen, be it technically right or wrong, overly sweet or schmoopy.
> 
> Hope it didn't disappoint.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look what I've got! Took a bit longer than I expected. Never knew getting two cute boys naked and actually doing a bit more than groping would prove such an ordeal. Seriously! But now it's done and I really hope you like it. It has angst, it has Liam babbling and finally teh sex! Enjoy! Thanks to [](http://sangpassionne.livejournal.com/profile)[**sangpassionne**](http://sangpassionne.livejournal.com/) for betaing. *hugs her*

She’d known it wouldn’t be easy but she hadn’t exactly realised what taking Spike in would involve. The nightmares were a given. After a few days they suggested he’d just sleep in Liam’s bed until he came home, knowing he sneaked in there every night anyway to cry into Liam’s pillow. And the nightmares… the nightmares were bad. Really bad. The things he mumbled and whispered in his sleep were so horrifying she didn’t know how to approach him about it. He obviously needed to talk to someone, get it all off his chest, but he shut down every time she mentioned it. Instead she spent night after night, sitting by his bed, trying to calm him with gentle words, as he lay rigid, never yelling or shouting, just whispering and quietly begging in a childish voice. And always crying. Crying for his mother, crying in fear, crying in shame. Sometimes it just got too much for her and she’d leave him to seek her husband’s comfort, the guilt stinging her heart when Spike’s voice broke as he felt her go.

But what she hadn’t anticipated was the constant submission. The house had never been so spotless, every surface shining. Each day when she got home from work the laundry had been washed, the floor mopped, even the windows were squeaky clean. It was creepy. She tried telling him he didn’t have to do those things but he just blinked in confusion. She worried that he was exhausting himself, after all he’d only just gotten out of the hospital and was still very weak. Once or twice she’d seen him stop to lean against a wall or grab hold of a chair but when she’d hurried to him he’d straightened up and steadily walked to his room.

He never spoke unless spoken to, he never looked them in the eye. He finished what was on his plate, but didn’t take more unless it was offered to him. One day when she knocked on his door, she’d heard a shuffle and had been shocked to find him on his knees, head bowed and hands clutched behind his back, wearing only a pair of boxers. She’d had to step out for a moment before she was able to go in and gently ease him up to his feet and then she just held him tight until he finally relaxed, eyes still filled with confusion.

He didn’t seem to know who he was supposed to be around them and that made her incredibly sad. Especially since he was totally different when he was with Liam. The first time she went with him; the way he paused outside the door, shedding one persona for another before entering, just like that day so very long ago, was unsettling. One minute he was William, submissive and unsure of everything. Then as soon as he opened the door he was Spike. Confident, seductive, strong. Liam’s hero.

They were both slowly regaining their physical strength. Spike had been allowed to leave the hospital after three days but Liam had to stay at least two weeks longer. Spike had joked about him just being lazy and Liam had grinned, telling him to watch out, he’d be out of here soon enough to kick his ass. They’d laughed and kissed but in the car on the way home tears ran down Spike’s face. When she’d tried telling him everything would be all right, Liam would soon be home with them, he had bowed his head and nodded and that was the last time he’d cried in their presence. When he was awake, that is.

And if that split in his personality wasn’t worrying enough, the way he transformed right before he left the car to join the crowd outside the school was chilling. It was again Spike, but a different one. A harder, tougher, I’ll-fuck-your-shit-up one. He scared her a little, not because she thought he might be dangerous, but because she hated that he seemed to think that was the only way he could survive life.

The day Liam was expected home, Spike seemed nervous. He kept running his fingers through his hair and straightening his clothes and an hour before Liam’s arrival he placed himself by the window and stood there, staring out, not moving a muscle. One time she saw his shoulders shaking and he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. She wanted to go over to him and tell him it would be all right but she felt unsure of what he needed. Was he afraid Liam would finally see him for what he was, that he was just a fragile boy with troubles far beyond his imagination? Did he think Liam couldn’t handle it?

So she just gave him a hug and a smile, and together they waited for Liam’s father to bring him home.

\---------------

Spike was so nervous he felt like throwing up. The last two weeks had been so confusing he didn’t know who he was half the time. He was so afraid Liam’s parents would dislike him he tried to do everything a good boy was supposed to do but it didn’t please them. Instead they kept glancing at him, worried and slightly freaked. He didn’t know what they wanted, what they expected from him. They had offered him their home but nothing ever came free and it was killing him not knowing what price he was supposed to pay.

It had been a relief when they allowed him to go back to school. At least there he knew what was expected of him. His bruises earned him some glances but he didn’t care about that. But he missed his coat. He felt naked and vulnerable without it, which only made him act more hostile. Liam’s mum had bought him clothes. They were nice and comfortable but they weren’t _him_. He’d turned the t-shirt inside out to make it look rougher and flipped up the collar of the denim jacket, both to hide his bruised neck and to show them he wanted to be left alone. He didn’t dare rip the jeans even if he wanted to. They might throw him out. Or worse, she might get hurt.

The daily trips to the hospital helped him keep things together. For Liam he could put his conflicted emotions and fears aside and be the man he had to be. A man Liam could rely on, could lean on if needed. Someone to guide Liam through life, to guard him from trouble and misery. He loved Liam’s innocent ways and he wanted to keep him like that forever. He seemed to have forgotten what had happened the night Spike ran away, or at least he never mentioned it. Every minute they were together was spent flirting and kissing, smiling and laughing. It was like a different world, a world where nothing bad had ever happened and never would. They ignored why Liam was there; they ignored Spike’s bruises. All that mattered was the present.

And now all those three worlds were about to collide. He wasn’t so worried about school, Liam knew that Spike. But he didn’t know William. And in this house he had to be William or they might hate him, might regret they took him in, might send him away and they would never see each other again. He didn’t think he could survive that.

She was looking at him now, that sad smile upon her face that told him he was failing her in some way. He just didn’t know how. Once he had woken up in the middle of the night, heart hammering, only to find her sitting beside him, stroking his hair, eyes glittering in the dark. He felt ashamed that he had woken her up, she looked stressed and tired and he knew it was his fault. The next night he stayed awake as long as he could, staring into the dark. He hated the dark. He wished he could keep the lights on but he was sure they wouldn’t like that. Light was money, just like food was money, and he hadn’t earned any of it. Finally exhaustion won over. When he woke up in the morning her smile at the breakfast table made him breathe easier. Thank God he hadn’t disturbed her again.

Suddenly she patted his arm and said ‘Look!’ and there was the car, turning into the driveway. He could see Liam in the backseat, waving. Deep inside he started panicking. As he walked toward the door he didn’t know whether to smile or not, whether to kiss Liam or stand back and let them have their family moment. He wanted to turn around and run upstairs. He had no place here, he didn’t belong. He was the outsider. He glanced at Liam’s mum but she was already opening the door, a happy smile on her face and tears in her eyes. He bit his lip. Why had he ever thought this could work? What Liam needed and what they wanted… it was too confusing, too conflicted in his mind. He felt like he was split in two and both parts wanted to cry.

They were coming, walking slowly along the path, Mr. O’Connor’s arm tight around his son’s shoulders. Liam was smiling at his mum; her arms opened to greet him. Spike felt like he was watching a TV-show, wishing to be part of the characters’ lives but knowing he was only an observer. His chest tightened. He would take Liam’s jacket and his father’s coat. He would close the door behind them. He would bring them tea and biscuits and then he would stand back and leave them to their happiness.

Liam was hugging his mum and once again Spike was struck by his beauty. He was pale and drawn but he still looked like an angel. The lump in his throat got bigger, the smile was freezing on his face. William was screaming at him to bow his head, stand straight, show respect. He tried to fight it, tried to concentrate on Liam, but Liam’s mum stood in front of him, blocking his view and next to him Liam’s father loomed. William kept hissing in his head, ‘Don’t intrude! You don’t belong. This is not your family!’

Closing his eyes Spike gave up and went away, leaving William to deal with whatever would happen.

“Spike?” The before happy voice sounded confused and then worried. “Spike, are you all right?”

“Thank you, I’m well.” He kept his gaze lowered, making sure to speak clearly. William always spoke proper and with respect.

“Spike, please look at me. Don’t I even get a welcome kiss?” Liam sounded hurt and William got confused. Kiss? He frowned. That wasn’t right. It was bad and dirty and…

“Spike? What’s wrong? Mom?”

“Maybe we should get you into bed before you get too tired, son. You boys can talk upstairs.”

He stayed behind as they led Liam up the stairs, too confused to know what to do. It wasn’t until a gentle voice called for him to follow them that he realised he was still in the hallway. Quietly he ascended the stairs and obediently hovered in the doorway to Liam’s room until he was told to come inside.

Liam was already in bed, breathing heavily from the exertion. He was looking at William with a worried frown but he kept his eyes lowered, fighting the panic. He was doing something wrong and soon they would start yelling at him and hitting him and…

“We’ll leave you boys to it. Just don’t exhaust yourself, Liam. You need your rest. I’ll bring your dinner up when it’s ready. In about two hours if that’s all right.

“Thanks mom, that’s fine. I’m not too hungry though. But I’m sure Spike is. He’s always hungry.”

William bit his lip in shame. He wanted to tell them it was all right, he wasn’t hungry, but his stomach betrayed him and growled.

Liam giggled. “See? Mom, you haven’t been feeding him. He’s still too skinny. What?” That last part was said with confusion and William glanced up to see Liam’s mum shake her head and back out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

“Did I say something wrong? Spike? Did I _do_ something wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?”

William shook his head, trying to block out the screams from Spike that told him to answer the boy, hug him, bloody well kiss him until they both were out of breath. _Wake up, you wanker! You’re hurting him, you’re failing him. Kiss him!_

“No, it’s wrong!” He froze then panicked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… please forgive me.”

“Spike? Why are you acting like that? Are you… are you not happy to see me?”

“Of course I am.” His answer was automatic and stiff. He wanted to add ‘sir’ but something stopped him. Instead he bowed his head even further and waited for his next command.

“Spike, I don’t know what’s wrong but if you don’t want to talk about it yet, that’s all right. I know… I know we haven’t talked about what happened to you but if you want to talk about it, I’m ready to listen. Except for now because the drugs are making me very, very sleepy and I won’t be of much use to you.” Liam reached out for him. “Can we snuggle? I miss snuggling with you.”

Snuggle? William blinked. He looked up at the boy, frowning in confusion. “Is that allowed?”

“Allowed? Oh, you mean because of the surgery. Don’t you remember us snuggling up at the hospital? I was pretty out of it but I’m sure we snuggled. Yeah, snuggling is definitely allowed.” Liam nodded firmly.

“Oh.” William watched as Liam scooted over in the bed and patted the space beside him.

“Come on, get naked and hop in with me. I may not be up to any serious groping but I want to feel your skin against mine. Can you help me take off these damn pj’s?”

William stared at him, then walked over and silently helped the boy undress. The bandages were gone, leaving a red scar. He reached out, hand hovering above it. “They took out your heart.”

“You knew that. It’s all right, they did put in a new one. Come here.”

“I wish they would take mine.” He didn’t realise what he had said until he saw Liam staring at him. “I’m sorry.”

“Spike, what are you talking about? There’s nothing wrong with your heart.” Liam pulled him closer and started unbuttoning his jeans with weak hands. “Now get naked, I’ve missed sleeping with you.” He looked up and blushed. “As in sleeping, you know, not ‘sleeping’.”

William blinked, then started to undress. The look on Liam’s face made him look down. His body was still covered in bruises and scars although they were slowly fading. The green and yellow colours seemed to stand out more than the purple had done though and in some places there were unhealed scabs where he had scratched the wounds open. He suddenly felt very self-conscious. He was so ugly and too skinny, Liam had said so himself. He wanted to cover up again but he’d been told to get naked. With trembling hands he pulled down his jeans, then slipped underneath the covers, lying stiff beside Liam who was looking at him with the same sad eyes as his mother did.

“God Spike, I had no idea it was this bad.” Liam bit his lip. “I’m so sorry. I should have figured it out earlier, I should have done something. I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me? Please?”

William looked at him in confusion. “But you didn’t do anything.”

“I know. And I should have. I just… I just didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe there were actually cruel people like that. I was stupid.” Liam reached out to stroke his face. “I should have saved you.” Slowly he leaned over.

The kiss was warm and tender and after the first shock William found himself melting into it. This seemed so familiar, so right and for a moment his brain shut down, the frightened thoughts of William silenced and all he could hear was his own heart hammering in his chest.

He opened his eyes to stare into Liam’s. The boy was breathing heavily, eyes dark with desire. He reached out and touched Liam’s lips with trembling fingers. Liam smiled and kissed them, then caught one and sucked it into his mouth playfully. William’s breath hitched as he felt himself grow hard. This was bad. Liam leaned over to kiss him again but he drew back, shaking his head.

There were too many thoughts in his head, too many do’s and don’ts messing him up, too many voices confusing him. Some of them were saying ‘Yes. This is right, this is what he needs from you’ while others reminded him where he was and who he was and that a single wrong step might get him beaten or starved or thrown down in the dark, dark basement.

“Spike? Please tell me what’s wrong. Don’t you want me anymore?”

“I’m not Spike. I can’t be Spike. Don’t you see that?” He looked up, tears in his eyes. “Not here. I have to be William and William can’t do this.”

“William?” Liam blinked in confusion. “What do you mean? You’re still you, no matter what you call yourself.”

“No!” He started to panic. “They can’t love Spike, no one can love Spike. Don’t you see? If I’m Spike they won’t like me anymore and they’ll hurt me.”

“They? They who?” Then it suddenly dawned on him. “Do you mean mom and dad? Spike… William, they would never do that. They don’t want you to be someone else than you are.”

William stared at him in desperation. “But I don’t know who I am.”

They lay in silence, eyes locked, noses only inches apart. There were tears in Liam’s eyes and William wanted to kiss them away but he didn’t dare move. When Liam finally spoke his voice was low but firm.

“You are a seventeen year old boy who’s gone through more than any adult should have to endure through a whole lifetime. You were a good son to your mom and I know you will be a good one to mine. You are my protector. You are my friend. I want you to be my lover. You are tough and strong or you’d never have survived what you’ve been through. But you’re also human, you are vulnerable and unsure and you need people just as much as they need you. I need you. I don’t care what you’re wearing or how you talk; I don’t care if you’re Spike or William. I love you for who you are. And you are my boyfriend.”

There was silence for a long time and then Liam was kissing him as he sobbed out his pain and confusion. Kisses of comfort soon became kisses of passion, which in time turned into slow kisses of tenderness. They finally pulled back, panting softly. Liam smiled happily but then his eyes drooped. “Can we snuggle now?” When William nodded he pulled him into his arms, head resting on William’s shoulder.

As they were drifting off to sleep Liam mumbled, “How about I call you Will then? Will and Liam. Will-Liam. It’s like me and you in one person. We could be Siamese twins, only joined in our hearts and our souls and then hopefully soon…” His voice faded into a whisper until all there was left was the deep breathing of sleep.

Will hitched his breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. “I think I’d like that.” He blinked in sudden remembrance. “I was my mum’s Will.” Curled up on his side he buried his face into Liam’s neck, and before long he was sound asleep.

An hour later Liam’s mother came to bring them dinner. The sight of the two boys sleeping was so peaceful she closed the door again, smiling. She had a feeling life was about to become a lot easier for all of them.

\-------------------

Time passed, each day bringing both boys more strength and Spike more confidence. It was hard for him to be himself at home. He was jumpy and always seemed to be waiting for something bad to happen. But Liam’s smile and happiness slowly made him relax and the day he brightly looked up at Liam’s mother and asked her for more soup she knew he was going to be all right.

School was… school. Not much had changed really. The kids were a bit nicer to Liam, probably because what had happened had finally made them realise how serious life could be, but perhaps also because Spike was always there, watching him, making sure no one acted out of place. Liam’s first day back Riley actually came over and apologised, clearly feeling guilty for what had happened, neither Liam nor Spike seeing any reason to put him straight.

They were the school’s first openly gay couple, the small community not exactly being the kind where people dared to flaunt their differences. In a way it earned them respect, not just because of Spike’s rep but also because neither of them seemed to care what people thought of them. They openly kissed, sometimes even a little more than that. There were giggles and the occasional ‘aaww’ but the curses were getting fewer and further between. Seemed that since Riley had backed off no one wanted to take over as the lead bully and the lesser ones only needed a glare from Spike to shut up.

Finally school broke for summer holiday. As they walked out into the sun Liam took a deep breath, then looked at Spike and grinned. “We’re free! We’re free!”

Spike couldn’t help laughing. Two months of nothing to do but being together, basking in the sun and enjoying the warm summer nights. Yep, sounded like freedom to him. They walked home slowly, stopping every now and then to kiss. Life was wonderful. And for once Spike wasn’t waiting for it all to come crashing down.

“I miss going to that lake. What happened to your bike anyway?” As soon as the words left Liam’s tongue he stopped and blushed. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Spike froze for a second but then he pushed it aside. Not today, today was going to be perfect. “Doesn’t matter. It’s gone.” He paused. “Uncle Marcus torched it along with my clothes and everything else I owned.” It was the first time he had mentioned his former life. He waited for the dark to fill his mind but nothing happened. Instead he felt incredibly calm. “We’ll go there someday. But what do you want to do today?”

Liam smiled at him. “Today? And tomorrow and the next day and the rest of my life? Just be with you, that’s enough for me.” He kissed Spike then grabbed his hand and pulled him along faster. “But right this minute I want ice cream.”

Spike laughed. He felt in his pocket for the money Liam’s mum had given him that morning. He’d felt strange accepting it but she’d told him the work he did around the house more than covered for it. Which sounded weird because he didn’t feel he did that much and he still couldn’t help thinking it was his job. But she’d shoved the dollar bills into his hand and he was afraid he might hurt her feelings if he declined. He didn’t really want to spend it even though it wasn’t much, because he was hoping to safe up for some clothes and hopefully, some day, for a new bike. But one ice cream wouldn’t hurt.

Later when they were walking home, licking ice cream off each other’s lips he wondered if this was what regular teenagers did. He couldn’t remember feeling this relaxed and carefree even if he was sure he must have before everything went to hell. Again he waited for the darkness of the past to hit him, but it didn’t. He could actually think about his mother for once without the usual feelings of guilt and self-loathing.

“You’re quiet. Something wrong?” Liam was looking at him with concern.

Spike smiled. “No, everything’s absolutely right. I was just thinking about my mum.”

Liam hesitated for a moment, then reached out and took Spike’s hand. “Not sad though?”

“No. I was thinking; I’ll never know how she would have felt about me being gay once she got over the shock, and lets face it, it’s always a bit of a shock no matter how open minded you are. But on the other hand I’ll never have to know if she would have hated me for it or turned me away. So, instead of focusing on those three seconds of shock, I’m trying to remember all the years we had before. Because I know she loved me more than anything. And what’s three seconds compared to that? Does that sound strange?” He looked up at Liam, frowning.

“No.” Liam brought their joint hands up and kissed Spike’s fingers. “I think that sounds rather wise. And you know, the same thing goes for your dad. It was your mother’s death that ruined him, not you. And before you say anything about her dying being your fault, you know that’s not true. It was just an accident and they tend to happen. Mostly to the wrong people.”

They walked for a while in silence then Spike nodded. “Yeah, I know. But it still feels like my fault. Wasn’t very smart, telling her while we were on the motorway. I just wasn’t thinking about that. All I thought about was that she was in a good mood and I had wanted to tell her for so long and it just came out. So I can understand people blaming me. But I’m starting to understand it was also very easy to blame me. Because you want someone to be responsible and there I was. Alive. And a bloody poofter. Doesn’t get more convenient than that. Besides, I blamed myself.”

Liam stopped and pulled him close and they stood for a long time, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Then Liam started giggling. “The ice cream has melted all over your shoes.”

“What? Oh fuck!” He scowled at Liam as he laughed at his pathetic attempts to wipe the mess off on the grass. “Bloody sneakers. Soaked through.”

“You know, you look strange in those clothes. I never noticed. Kinda dorky.” Suddenly it dawned on him and he started giggling. “You look like me!”

Spike glanced up and blushed. “Stop laughing! They’re… I mean, they’re nice. But…” He sighed. “They’re not me. Your mum bought them. I couldn’t really say no, could I?” He looked away in shame. “Besides, I had no other clothes.”

“You poor thing. She’s so clueless. I love her but she’s stuck in the fashion of the seventies. I just let her have her way but you… _You_ can’t look like that!”

“Liam, it’s ok. I’m very grateful and they’re ok clothes.”

Liam shook his head. “They’re dorky. They’re Liam-clothes. We can’t have two dorks, you know. If you’re a dork then I’m even worse. I’m… I’m a nerd!”

Spike laughed. “You always were a nerd. But you’re my nerd and I like you like that.”

Liam pouted, then suddenly grabbed Spike’s hand and started dragging him along the street. “We’re going shopping. You and me. Getting back the same look for you and a new look for me. You see, once we’ve smartened up you’ll have to beat the guys off us with a stick.”

Spike couldn’t help laughing but he pulled Liam to a stop. “Liam, I’d love to but… I don’t have any money. Well, not enough for that anyway.”

Liam smiled. “But I do. I’ve been saving up for your birthday but you can get your present early. It’s in two weeks anyway.”

Spike shook his head. “That’s too much. I can’t let you spend all that on me.”

“I can’t buy you a new leather coat, I know that.” Liam’s sad smile told him that he wanted nothing more in the world then be able to buy Spike everything he wanted. “But I saw this shop the other day; they sell second hand clothes as well as new stuff. They had a rack filled with all kinds of leather. Bet we can find you something cheap. Please?”

Spike hesitated but he couldn’t refuse the pleading in Liam’s eyes for too long. Grinning Liam grabbed his hand again and started to drag Spike toward the centre of the town, laughing with delight.

They were lucky. Although Spike didn’t find a leather coat he found a jacket that made him feel almost like the old Spike. Black matching jeans and a couple of T-shirts, one of which read ‘Punk is back’ and the other sporting a picture of Sid Vicious at his maddest, completed the look. But even if he felt great in the new clothes, most of which he was able to pay for himself with the money in his pocket, watching Liam transform in front of him was the real treat.

It had taken some convincing, but he finally got Liam to try on some tight black jeans. The giggling in the changing room doubled when Spike threw a soft dark-blue shirt in and it took all his resolve not to pull the curtain aside and take a peek. But then Liam stepped out…

Spike stared at him and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to drag Liam out of there and head for the nearest alley. The way the jeans were hugging his arse and thighs, how the thin shirt over the white t-shirt showed off every muscle and made his tanned skin glow… The still red scar over his heart could be seen faintly through the white cotton. Liam’s blushing face as he stared at himself in the mirror hit it home.

“We’re buying those. Now.”

Liam giggled and started pulling at the shirt as he headed for the change room.

“No. Keep ‘em on.”

Liam turned to look at him, noticing for the first time the way Spike’s eyes were darkening with lust. Gasping slightly, he blushed to a deep red. Together they went to pay for the clothes and, while the smirking girl was putting their old ones in a bag, Spike walked over to the accessories and rummaged through the display. Smiling he picked out a few things, added an eyeliner pencil and tried not to feel guilty as Liam paid up. The girl’s smug smile followed them out the door.

Once outside Liam’s shyness caught up with him and he fingered the blue shirt uncertainly. “Mom is going to freak. You think mom is going to freak?”

Spike looked him over and licked his lips. “Not about those. But she might freak a bit when she sees this.” Smirking he pushed Liam toward the nearest bench and made him sit down. “Close your eyes.”

Liam complied, then started giggling when he felt the cold metal touch his skin. “If that’s a dog collar she’s gonna kill me.”

Spike smirked. “Now there’s an idea, ‘pet’.” His smile broadened as Liam blushed. “No, don’t worry, it’s just a chain. Nice and simple.” Locking a matching bracelet around Liam’s wrist he then studied him intensely while putting on his own jewellery, a silver ring and a similar chain to Liam’s. He’d have to find a stud for his eyebrow later. “Keep your eyes closed.”

He walked over to a car that was parked by the sidewalk and crouching by the side mirror he applied the eyeliner with practised moves. When he stood back and saw himself reflected in the car window, he could feel his confidence flood back like a dam had been broken. Hello Spike.

He turned around and Liam was still sitting there, keeping his eyes closed like a good puppy. He grinned. Maybe he really should consider that collar idea. “Ok, you can open them now.”

Liam blinked a few times then stared at him before starting to laugh in delight. “It’s you! You’re back!” Happy he jumped to his feet. “No more dorks. Just Spike and Liam, the hottest gay couple in town.”

Spike snorted. “Probably the only gay couple in town.”

Liam shook his head. “Didn’t I tell you? Ms Brewer’s sister isn’t really related to her. But don’t tell anyone, cos she said it was a secret.”

Spike stared at him, then started to laugh. “Oh Christ, that’s priceless. So that’s why she’s been so nice to us lately. Well, if I’d known it would up my grades I would have come out months ago.”

Liam punched him lightly on the arm. “If you’d come out months ago I’d probably still be too shy to talk to you and you would have ended up with Andrew.” He laughed and ducked as Spike cuffed his head playfully. But before he could continue his teasing Spike grabbed him and held his gaze.

“Never wanted anyone but you from the moment I saw you, Liam. Remember that.” They stood in silence staring into each other’s eyes for a long time and then Liam bowed down.

The kiss was soft and sweet. Spike parted his lips and allowed Liam’s tongue to enter. It felt hot and smooth against his own and he could feel his heartbeat quickening. Fingers were running through his hair, a hand was stroking his back and the world went golden behind his closed eyelids.

It wasn’t as if they hadn’t kissed before, if anything they probably held the record for number of kisses during school hours, but this was different. This time Liam was in control. It made Spike feel like he was the pet; that Liam owned him. It felt incredibly good.

When they finally pulled apart both of them were panting and they were painfully aware of how exposed they were.

“Home?”

As the word left Spike’s tongue he realised for the first time that it really was. Home. For as long as he wanted to stay. He’d be eighteen in two weeks but he wouldn’t be thrown out or made to join the army, which had been Uncle Marcus’ plan. Since his guardians had left no will, he had inherited the house and some money they had saved up. It wouldn’t be much when all the legal bullshit had cut into it but enough to put him through the local college. He had everything he could dream of. But most of all he had Liam.

“Home.” Liam smiled and grabbed his hand. “If we’re lucky mom and dad will be out.”

Spike grinned. “She won’t freak that much. I hope.”

Liam shook his head. “Oh, I’m not so worried about that. I just don’t want them to be home because I want to have sex. Come on!” Impatiently he dragged a shocked Spike after him.

\-----------

As they reached the house Liam’s parents were getting into the car. Spike could feel his stomach twist in anticipation. Mrs O’Connor looked up and taken aback she stared at them. Confused by her behaviour it then dawned on Spike. He’d been so focused on Liam’s plans he had forgotten the whole new look on both of them. Well, old on him. Now it all seemed like a very bad idea. The old fear started to well up inside him when Liam suddenly let go of his hand and ran up to his mother.

“Look! Spike made me cool.” He turned around in front of her and she started laughing.

“I can see that. Did you spend _all_ your money?”

“Nope. Just a little. We got them cheap.” He reached out and pulled Spike to him. “We found Spike a new jacket. Well, an old one but isn’t it cool?” He kissed Spike who was still feeling unsure, waiting for her to get mad. “And pants and t-shirts. No more dorky clothes for us.”

“They weren’t that bad…” Seeing the look on her son’s face she relented. “Ok, so they were a bit dorky. But you have to remember I grew up in the seventies. Dorky was cool then.”

Liam laughed. “Yes mom. And disco was the coolest of all. Are you going out? Will you be late?”

The hope in his voice sounded so obvious to Spike that he was surprised Liam’s mother didn’t pick up on it. He felt they could just as well have carried a big sign that said ‘We’re going upstairs to shag like bunnies’ for all the subtlety in Liam’s behaviour.

“Your father is taking me out to dinner and then to the theatre. You did remember it’s our anniversary?” She looked at them sternly then laughed at the embarrassed look they shared. “He didn’t remember either. Men!” She gazed lovingly at her husband who was sitting behind the wheel, sheepishly trying to straighten his tie.

Smiling she kissed both boys before getting into the car. “Don’t wait up. He’d better not bring me home early.” The car had already started backing out of the driveway when she rolled down the window. “And boys, if you need something check the bottom drawer in the kitchen.”

Spike stared after them as the car drove away. She hadn’t meant… had she? Then he looked up at Liam who was blushing the deepest shade of red he’d ever seen. Oh bloody hell, she had!

Liam glanced at Spike and suddenly they both started laughing. “I swear you have the most wicked mum. Well, we better do as she says.”

Liam giggled with embarrassment then scowl at him. “If you promise this is the last time you mention my mother tonight. Because, you know, weird!”

Spike smiled. “I promise. Now go fetch whatever supplies she left us and get your arse upstairs.”

Laughing he walked after Liam as he ran inside.

He took good time taking off his boots and hanging up the new jacket while he listened to Liam rummaging in the kitchen. Pressing the leather to his face he inhaled the still lingering smell of a stranger’s cigarettes and cologne. It felt comforting, like the former owner was hanging on to it in the form of a ghostly scent.

“Oh god, I’m gonna kill her!” Liam’s exasperated voice brought him out of his musings and he let the jacket go with a happy sigh.

“What’s that, pet?”

Liam stalked out of the kitchen, waving his findings. “Ribbed! And… and… strawberry scented lube! My mother is a pervert!”

The horrified look on Liam’s face was Spike’s undoing. He fell into hysterics, tears streaming from his eyes, clutching his belly as he heaved for breath. Liam tried to look indignant but only managed for a few seconds before he too started laughing. They ended up on the floor, flushed and panting, falling into giggles again and again.

Finally they managed to calm down, Spike leaning against the wall, Liam’s head in his lap.

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh like that.” Liam rubbed his cheek against Spike’s thigh. “Really… happy.”

Spike stroke Liam’s hair thoughtfully. “I think I am. You make me happy.” He leaned down and kissed Liam tenderly on the lips. “As happy as I can be.”

Liam looked up at him. “You don’t think you can be completely happy?”

Spike closed his eyes. “I wish I believed I could be. I want to be. You deserve to be with someone who is… whole.”

“You are!” Liam sat up abruptly. “You will be!”

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I’ll ever be completely whole. There are things… I can’t erase them. They’re here, in my head, in my dreams.” Spike rubbed his eyes. “And they’ll never let me forget. Never let me be normal.”

They sat side by side in silence for a long time. Then Liam reached for Spike’s hand and squeezed it. “Who needs normal anyway?” He gave Spike a big smile.

The happy face became a blur but Spike didn’t even bother blinking his vision clear. The kiss tasted of salt and ice cream. His breath hitched but he didn’t stop. Liam was crawling into his lap and he pulled him closer, running his hands under the white T-shirt, feeling the smooth skin. Liam’s hands were around his neck, fingers burying themselves in his hair.

“I love you. I love you so much.”

“Me too. Love you, Will.”

It wasn’t until he heard Liam’s muffled response that Spike realised what he’d said. Of course he loved him, he’d known it for a long time, but the only other time he’d actually said it was when Liam was doped up and loopy at the hospital and he wasn’t sure the boy remembered it. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and then pulled away forcing Liam to stop kissing his neck and look at him.

“I love you, Liam. I really love you. Do you understand that?”

“Of course I do, silly.” Liam smiled but seeing the look on Spike’s face made him turn serious. “I know you do. You love me. And I love you. So very much.” He kissed Spike and smiled. “Can we get upstairs now? My pants are starting to hurt my… I mean…” He blushed and Spike couldn’t help laughing.

“Yeah, we can. Mine aren’t feeling too comfy either.” He pushed Liam gently off his lap and stood up, pulling Liam to his feet with him. “But keep the chain on. ‘Pet’.”

Liam’s shiver made Spike smile all the way upstairs. Once they got into Liam’s room they fell awkwardly silent, neither prepared to make the first move. Finally Spike took a deep breath and turned to Liam. “I want to see you, luv.”

Liam started fumbling with the buttons on his pants but Spike swatted his hands away. Then he reached up and pushed the soft blue shirt off Liam’s shoulders, sighing as it slid off and pooled on the floor. He leaned forward and kissed Liam’s scar through the thin white cotton t-shirt before pulling it up and placing another kiss on the bare skin. Liam’s gasps made his heart pound.

It needed some tugging but finally the t-shirt came off and Spike stood back to gaze at him. Liam stared back, hair ruffled, lips moist and puffy. The front of his jeans were damp and, when Spike leaned forward and ran a finger up the bulge, Liam closed his eyes and whimpered. Slender fingers loosened his belt and then the buttons were popped one by one until the cotton-clad cock thrust out, begging for attention.

“You should stop wearing underwear, pet.” Spike’s voice was husky. “Only gets in the way.” He sat down on the bed and pulled Liam closer then leaned forward and blew hot air on the item in question.

Liam shivered. “Ok, Spike.”

Spike reached down. “And socks. Too hot for socks anyway.” He lifted Liam’s right foot, pulling the sock off.

“Yes, Spike.” Liam wiggled his toes then obediently lifted his other foot.

“But eyeliner.” Spike licked his lips then kissed Liam’s soft belly. “You would look great with eyeliner.”

“Yes, Spike.” Liam nodded.

Spike looked up and chuckled. “And high heels. We should definitely get you some high heels.”

“Ok, Spi… what?” Liam opened his eyes and blinked. Then he blushed and smiled when he saw the naughty look in Spike’s eyes. “Ha ha. Funny. I doubt they have them in my size.”

“Believe me, pet, they do. We might have to order them though. I’m thinking silver stilettos would be nice.” Spike ducked from Liam’s playful punch then grabbed his jeans and boxers by the waistline and pulled them down. Liam stepped out of them dutifully. “Naked in silver stilettos. Lying on fur. With eyeliner. Now there’s a picture I won’t get out of my head so easily.” He ran his hands up Liam’s thighs. “Not that I’d want it to.”

Liam giggled then buried his fingers in Spike’s hair. “Are we gonna have sex or are you gonna talk more nonsense?”

Spike didn’t answer, just opened his mouth and let Liam’s cock slip inside. Fingers stiffened in his hair. As the smooth cock slid deeper and deeper down his throat, Liam was panting and whimpering, “Oh God, Spike. It feels so good. Please. Yes. Oh Jesus.” He started thrusting forward, hands in Spike’s hair. Just when his balls were beginning to contract, Spike pulled away, licking his lips.

“Don’t want it over too soon, do you?” He pulled off his T-shirt and threw it aside. “I have a lot more planned for you.”

“Yes.” Liam stared at him with dark eyes. “You’re gonna fuck me.”

The kiss was hard and deep and Spike shuddered as he was pushed down into the mattress, Liam’s hot naked body covering him. Eagerly he tugged at Liam’s hair, pressing their lips even closer together, sucking on Liam’s tongue then pushing his own into that warm mouth. Liam was grinding their erections together, wetting Spike’s jeans. When they finally came up for breath both of them were flushed and panting heavily.

“Fuck, pet. Do that again and we’ll have to postpone the whole thing.”

Liam blushed and rolled over to his side, eyes cast down in embarrassment. “Sorry. I’m a bit excited. And nervous. Yeah, definitely nervous.” He trailed the number eight around Spike’s nipples. “And maybe a little bit scared. Just a tiny bit though.”

Spike stilled. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for, you know that right? Whenever you feel unsure or scared we’ll stop. I mean that.”

Liam smiled and kissed him. “Yes, daddy.” He giggled as Spike punched his arm in revenge then got serious. “I know you don’t want to hurt me, Will. But I also know the first time is gonna hurt at least some, so yes, I am a little scared. But I still want to do this more than anything.”

Spike fell silent. When he spoke his voice held a slight shiver. “It doesn’t have to be you, Liam. You could always take me.”

Liam frowned then shook his head. “No. I don’t want that. And you don’t really want that either.” He looked right at Spike. “Do you?”

The dark flicker of fear in Spike’s eyes was all the answer he needed. He leaned over and kissed the tense lips until they softened and Spike’s arms wrapped around Liam’s waist as he buried his face in his neck, mumbling. “I’ll make it good for you. I’ll be so careful. I promise, I promise you Liam. I love you so much. And someday…”

“I know, Will. I know. It’s okay.”

They lay still, breathing in each other’s fears; Liam shivering as drops of salt water ran down his shoulder and disappeared into the rumpled bedcover. Finally when his own heart had slowed down to normal and Spike stopped trembling they pulled apart looking at each other.

Spike wiped his face and chuckled. “Look at us. So very sexy. Me all red eyed and you…” He smiled and stroke Liam’s face. “You are just beautiful.”

He pulled him in for another kiss and this time it became more passionate, more intense. Hands started roaming over bare chests, skin on skin making them shiver. When Liam’s fingers reached Spike’s jeans and impatiently fumbled with the buttons Spike almost growled with impatience. Finally they were loose and Liam slid down the bed, tugging the tight pants with him. Spike lifted his ass to help them along, making his cock bounce of his belly, a thin string of pre-cum sticking to it. When Liam blew softly on his cock Spike gasped and threw one arm over his eyes, the other stiff at his side, fist clenching the cover.

Liam’s tongue ran up the shaft, slipping under the foreskin and then probing the slit. Spike swore and groaned, making Liam grin and he tugged lightly at the foreskin with his teeth before circling the cock with his thumb and index finger and pulling the smooth sheath down, revealing an angry red head. “Your cock is so pretty. Did I ever tell you that?”

“One or two times,” Spike groaned. “But I don’t mind. You can call it pretty as much as you want as long as you’re doing that.”

Liam smiled. Then he sucked first one then both testicles into his mouth and rolled them around.

“Oh fuck!” Spike’s eyes flew open and he stared at Liam. “Shit! I did NOT teach you that!”

Liam let him loose with a wet pop. “I know. Isn’t the internet great?” He grinned and kissed Spike’s inner thigh. “You should see all the strange stuff people get up to.” He bit his lip seductively and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll show you sometime.”

Spike chuckled. “I bet you will.” He reached for Liam’s neck, pulling him up until their lips connected, kissing him with passion. Then he rolled them over and pushed him down on the pillow, grinding his thigh against Liam’s groin. “Fuck, you’re hard.” Liam whimpered and pushed up against him, desperate for more friction but Spike only smiled and moved down, nibbling at Liam’s nipples before licking his way down to his erection that was swaying seductively.

He could hear Liam moaning and his thighs were shivering slightly which only intensified as Spike licked and then sucked the cock into his mouth. He took it almost all the way in before letting it slide out again. He repeated it again and again, until Liam was whimpering and begging him to let him come. When he pushed Liam’s legs up he stilled and Spike closed his eyes briefly before letting his tongue flick over the tiny entrance.

“Oh Jesus!” Liam arched off the bed, fists clenched in the sheet. When the tip of Spike’s tongue slowly slipped inside he whimpered and opened his legs further. “Yes, please!”

Spike allowed himself a small, relieved sigh. So far he’d only barely touched Liam there, too scared of his reaction to dare go any further. Even if the light strokes and touches had always made Liam whimper, he’d been unsure how he would react to anything actually being pushed inside him. Seems he shouldn’t have worried, judging by the way Liam was now jerking, trying to get him to prod deeper and harder.

God, he was hot, trembling on the bed, writhing and moaning with ecstasy. Spike had to fight down the sudden want to just jump on him and thrust inside. His own arms trembled as he lifted himself up and crawled over Liam to press a passionate kiss on his lips before moving down again, the tube of slick in his hand.

When the cool substance came in contact with Liam’s hot skin he stilled and Spike looked up to find him breathing deeply, eyes shut. “Liam? You ok?”

Liam opened his eyes and stared down at him, the pupils so big they made his eyes seem black. “Yes. More than ok. Please, don’t stop.”

Spike nodded and kissed his thigh. Coating his fingers he then pressed one slick finger against Liam’s wet entrance and, watching Liam’s face carefully for any sign of pain, he slid it inside.

They kept completely still. Spike could feel Liam pulsating around his finger, clenching it so tight he couldn’t move. Then he started to breathe and very slowly the slick channel relaxed. Spike kept his eyes on that flushed face. “Liam? You want me to stop?”

“No. Don’t stop. If you stop, I might have to kill you.” Liam’s voice was unsteady but the corner of his mouth tugged up a little.

Spike bit his lip. “Any time you want to stop, just tell me, remember?”

“Spike, stop worrying and start doing something. Unless this is it because if it is then I think I might have had some very disillusioned ideas about sex.”

Spike chuckled. “Don’t worry, pet, this is just an appetiser.” Slowly he pulled his finger out, tensing as Liam whimpered, then pushed it in again when it was clear that he wasn’t hurting him. His movements were slow and deliberate, in and out, then curving his finger slightly to stretch him further. He could feel Liam relax as he got more and more aroused and when he felt sure Liam was ready he pulled out. Liam groaned at the loss but stilled again when he was filled with two fingers.

This time Spike could see a flicker of pain on Liam’s face and he froze. He was hurting him, hurting the boy who he’d promised himself he would never ever hurt. This was a bad idea. He had no idea what he was doing. He might know about blowjobs and kissing but when it came to actual sex all he knew was what had been done to him. And he couldn’t remember any of it ever feeling good. Even with Wes he’d never gotten any further than kissing and groping before they got caught.

Suddenly scared he started to pull out but then Liam gasped and whispered, “Yes!” and desperately tried to thrust down on his fingers. His confidence restored, Spike pushed them in, watching Liam’s face all the time, ready to stop if he at any time looked frightened or unsure. He was sweating profusely, so nervous he would do a wrong move. When the channel felt as relaxed and stretched as it might be he tried scissoring his fingers, making Liam pant and groan even more, frantically fucking himself on Spike’s aching fingers.

Spike’s cock throbbed between his thighs. He watched mesmerised as his slick fingers slid in and out of Liam and the thought of his dick doing the same made him groan with need. He wasn’t sure he could wait much longer. Crawling up, his fingers still trapped inside Liam’s body, he kissed Liam fiercely, thrusting his tongue inside, breathing heavily into his hot mouth. “Want you, pet. Want you so much. Want my cock inside you, fucking you.”

“Yes! Please! I need… I need… God, I need you. Fuck me, Will. Fuck me, please.” The desperate words were whimpered into his ear as he sucked on Liam’s neck, thrusting his fingers faster and harder inside.

“I will. I’ll be so good to you. God Liam, I love you.” He pulled his hand lose and grabbed Liam’s head, kissing him hard.

“Love you, Will. Love you so very much.” Liam’s thighs were once again shaking and as Spike positioned his cock against the entrance and slowly pushed his eyes flew open and they stared at each other. When the head finally popped inside they were both trembling and panting from exertion.

“Is it all right? Am I hurting you?” Spike could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Liam grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’m… I’m ok. Just… wait a minute.” He breathed slowly, loosening the grip on Spike’s cock as his muscles got used to the intrusion. “That is… wow… just… you’re bigger than I thought. I mean, I’ve seen it, I’ve just never felt it like this and … Jesus, you’re big!”

Spike swallowed. “Sorry. You want me to stop?”

Liam managed a small smile. “No, don’t stop. And don’t say you’re sorry. I’m sure I’ll appreciate it much better any time now.”

They stayed still, both breathing heavily and then Liam slowly started pushing down, pulling Spike further inside him. Now it was Spike’s turn to gasp. When his balls nudged against Liam’s arse he shuddered, feeling too close to the edge. Again they paused, getting used to feeling each other.

“Does it hurt? Should I st…” One look from Liam and Spike shut up, smiling softly. “Just tell me when you’re ready for me to move, ok?”

Liam nodded and closed his eyes. After a long moment he opened them again and whispered “I’m ready.”

Spike slowly started moving, trembling as his cock slid in and out of Liam. “God, luv. You feel so good. So incredibly good. So tight and hot. God, I love you. Love you so much.”

“Love you too. So much, so much.” Liam’s voice shook. “Please, Spike, kiss me.”

The kiss was deep and filled with so many emotions that it took their breath away. Their hearts were pounding, their cocks throbbing and then when Spike shifted to ease his weight of Liam’s chest he gasped, “Oh God. Yes! Do that again, please.”

Spike smiled. His movements became more confident. This was what he’d longed to give Liam, the bliss that was evident by the look on his face. He hit that certain spot again and again, loving the way Liam gasped and moaned, whimpered his name and desperately thrust up against him. Neither of them would last long but it didn’t matter. They could always do it again. And again and again for as long as they wanted. Reaching down he held Liam’s cock tight and stroked it in rhythm with his thrusting. He was close and, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with love for the young man that was gazing at him with dark amazed eyes, he pressed their lips together, close to tears with happiness.

Liam’s cry echoed in his mouth and he felt wetness spread on his stomach. That was all he needed. Two more thrusts and he was filling Liam with his own release, tiny stars sparkling in front of his eyes. Then he collapsed on top of him, shaking and breathing so hard he felt dizzy.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, nuzzling into Liam’s hair, breathing in the scent of his damp skin. Finally he got the courage to look up.

Liam was watching him, lips slightly parted, unreadable eyes so dark Spike felt like he was falling into them. Was he mad at him? Did he do it all wrong? “Liam…”

“Will. That was…” Liam shook his head and Spike froze. “Why… Why on earth haven’t we done this before?”

The smile that spread across Liam’s face was so genuine Spike hitched his breath. “It was… ok? You’re not… disappointed?”

“Disappointed?” Liam grabbed him and kissed him hard. “Only because we waited so long. You better do this to me every night from now on.”

Spike laughed, his fears slowly draining away. “I’ll do my best.” He moved off and they both groaned as his spent cock slipped out. Snuggling up to Liam, head on his chest he looked up, a worried look in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Liam shifted. “I’m a bit sore but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Just stung a bit but then I forgot about that because it started to feel so good.” He sighed and pulled Spike closer. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” They kissed and then Spike pulled the cover over them. “Sleep now. You’ll need your energy for later.” He smiled as Liam giggled and then they snuggled closer. Soon Liam was snoring softly but Spike stayed awake a bit longer, taking it all in.

Home. Yes, it really was.

 

FIN

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Two drabbles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684044) by [felisblanco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco)




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